Prison Break - Season Two (2006-2007)

Prison Break (2005-2009)

Created by: Paul Scheuring

Season: Two (2006-2007)
Genre: Action | Crime | Drama | Thriller
Number of Episodes: 22
Episode Running Time: 60 Minutes
Viewed: Owned DVD

Breaking out was easy, getting away will be hard.

[IMDb]

Comments: It took me about a month to get through the second season of Prison Break. That's not to say it's bad, but along with being busy as hell, the season was never that involving where I needed to watch the next episode. There was entirely too much manufactured drama, and the plot of the season was really drug out, and certainly could have been shortened by a few episodes. Those were also problems with the first season as well, but it's a lot more apparent with its successor. But I still enjoyed the show despite all of this, and it was entertaining, if completely ridiculous. I may hold off on Seasons Three and Four for awhile, as there's a lot of other stuff I want to watch, but I will finish the show out soon enough.

True Grit (2010)

True Grit (2010)

Directed by: Ethan Coen and Joel Coen
Screenplay by: Ethan Coen and Joel Coen

Genre: Adventure | Drama | Western
Running Time: 110 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Theater

Punishment comes one way or another.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm feeling pretty lazy, so this won't be long. True Grit was much more darkly comedic than I expected, especially with how serious the trailers looked (I guess you could say it's very Coen-esque). But it worked, and it's certainly one of the better films of 2010. I was really impressed with Hailee Steinfeld, who was amazing and completely owned whenever she was onscreen despite being only 14 (at least that's how old she is in the film; I'm unaware of her actual age). True Grit is a great film, and is certainly deserving of the praise it's received so far.

Black Swan (2010)

Black Swan (2010)

Directed by: Darren Aronofsky
Screenplay by: Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz, and John J. McLaughlin

Genre: Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 108 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

[IMDb]

Comments: As a film fan, especially one that hasn't been able to watch many since moving/starting a new job, there's not much more of a Christmas present that one could ask for than a new Darren Aronofsky film. I've been a big fan of the man, giving five star reviews to his last three films (one of my all-time favorites, Requiem for a Dream, the criminally underrated The Fountain, and my favorite film of 2008, The Wrestler). I didn't find Black Swan to be as quite as good as those three, but goddamn this was a great film. Natalie Portman has to be the leading candidate for Best Actress at the Oscar's; simply put, she was phenomenal. Aronofsky's direction was stellar, and the story was one great mind fuck. So yeah, Black Swan was a great Christmas present. And it's about to get better, because True Grit will be mine Christmas night.

The Town (2010)

The Town (2010)

Directed by: Ben Affleck
Screenplay by: Peter Craig, Ben Affleck, and Aaron Stockard

Genre: Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 125 Minutes (Theatrical Cut)
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Welcome to the bank robbery capital of America.

[IMDb]

Comments: Original review: Ben Affleck has been the butt of many jokes over the years, mainly due to the fact that he has made some poor career choices (and that Matt Damon was the actual talented one of the two). I've never had a problem with the guy, mostly because I enjoyed him in the several Kevin Smith films he did. But Affleck set out to change the public perception a few years ago when he directed the excellent Gone Baby Gone, a film I really enjoyed. The Town is his second directorial effort, and as soon as I saw the trailer for The Town, I knew I'd be seeing it in theaters (Warner obviously didn't trust Affleck's reputation either, as they failed to mention his name when stating the film was "from the director of Gone Baby Gone"). The Town certainly didn't disappoint. While the film isn't perfect (the very end of the film is certainly clichéd), it is right up my alley in terms of the plot and entertainment value, hence the five-star rating. I was hooked for the entire two hours, as was the rest of the packed house (during a moment of silence toward the end of the film you could've heard a pin drop in the theater). At times, I was reminded of Michael Mann's crime classic Heat (which isn't a bad thing), and I would favorably compare the two. The Town is everything I want when I go to the theater, and I really couldn't have asked for more. Kudos, Ben.

Centurion (2010)

Centurion (2010)

Directed by: Neil Marshall
Screenplay by: Neil Marshall

Genre: Action | Adventure | Drama | History | Thriller | War
Running Time: 97 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Fight or die.

[IMDb]

Comments: Centurion is a pretty decent movie; it's beautifully shot (thanks to director Neil Marshall of The Descent fame), it's reasonably well acted, and there's some great violent battle scenes. But the story's a bit uneven, and I found it incredibly hard to really root for anyone. Both sides (the Romans and the Picts) can both be assholes and sympathetic, so beyond Michael Fassbender there's really not a clear likeable person or group. But I did enjoy Centurion and it's certainly worth a watch if you're into this type of film. Just not the $20 I spent on it.

Monsters (2010)

Monsters (2010)

Directed by: Gareth Edwards
Screenplay by: Gareth Edwards

Genre: Drama | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 94 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Online

Now, it's our turn to adapt.

[IMDb]

Comments: I had heard a bit about Monsters here and there, so I jumped at the chance to watch it tonight. The aliens are really the backdrop of the film, as it's much more of a drama with romantic undertones. It's amazing how good the film looked considering it was made for around $15,000. Gareth Edwards' directing is great, and the cinematography is wonderful and often breathtaking. There were a few moments where I was expecting more action or something more intense to occur, but I guess the budget handcuffed Edwards a bit. Still, Monsters is a solid film that I'll definitely look to pick up in February when it comes out on DVD.

Unstoppable (2010)

Unstoppable (2010)

Directed by: Tony Scott
Screenplay by: Mark Bomback

Genre: Action | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 98 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Theater

1 million tons of steel. 100,000 lives at stake. 100 minutes to impact.

[IMDb]

Comments: Take a look at that poster. How terrible is that? Chris Pine looks animated. Anyway, Unstoppable continues Tony Scott and Denzel Washington's descent toward mediocrity. I'm not saying that Unstoppable is bad; it's certainly an entertaining film. But of their four collaborations in the last decade, I'd rank Unstoppable right along with 2009's The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 in the mediocre category (I found 2006's Déjà Vu to be pretty good, and I think 2004's Man on Fire is awesome). I'd call Unstoppable a solid rental for a Friday night, but not much more.

Grown Ups (2010)

Grown Ups (2010)

Directed by: Dennis Dugan
Screenplay by: Adam Sandler and Fred Wolf

Genre: Comedy
Running Time: 102 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: On Demand

Boys will be boys... some longer than others.

[IMDb]

Comments: There's really not much to say here. I ended up watching the film with some family yesterday, and it's very... bland. Sure, there's some funny scenes, but there's a number of obviously improvised parts that felt like outtakes much more than usable dialogue. Also, it seemed extremely evident to me that Kevin James' part was written for Chris Farley, even though he's been dead for well over a decade. I could just see him in that character, and even though he was never a great actor, he did well with the physical comedy. And Rob Schneider is awful. That is all.

Night of the Hunted (1980)

Night of the Hunted (1980)

Directed by: Jean Rollin
Screenplay by: Jean Rollin

Genre: Crime | Drama
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: Well, this was certainly not what I was expecting considering Night of the Hunted came in Redemption's Zombie Collection box set. This isn't a horror film, and there's certainly no zombies (though the patients in the film would be called zombie-like). But despite the lack of real zombies and Rollin's ungodly slow pace, I enjoyed the film. This was my first Jean Rollin film, but from previous reading I knew his films tended to be methodical and slow, although this was tedious at times. Still, Night of the Hunted was an interesting film with a cool premise, so I can't complain all that much.

Also Known As: La Nuit des Traquées

Prison Break - Season One (2005-2006)

Prison Break (2005-2009)

Created by: Paul Scheuring

Season: One (2005-2006)
Genre: Action | Crime | Drama | Thriller
Number of Episodes: 22
Episode Running Time: 60 Minutes
Viewed: Owned DVD

Escape is just the beginning.

[IMDb]

Comments: I had a hard time deciding between four and four-and-a-half stars for the first season of Prison Break. On one hand, the show is very addicitve and the characters are generally well-fleshed out. Even though many are scumbags, I was still emotionally invested in most of the inmates. But on the other hand, the plot feels very stretched over the season's twenty-two episodes, thus creating a lot of forced moments and manufactured drama. I could easily seeing this being on FX nowadays and having thirteen episodes per season. The "other hand" is why I chose four stars, by the way. But anyway, the first season of Prison Break was fun as hell. I'm just now starting to pack all my shit for the move, and I often found myself putting everything off to watch just a little bit more of the show. I'm skeptical about the next three seasons (but not skeptical enough that I haven't already blind-bought them), but I think that with characters I like, I will be able to enjoy them for what they are. I mean, isn't that why the finale of Lost worked? Objectively, it sucked due to the fact that it never answered a lot of what was built up over the years, but it was a great two hours of television because the characters were so loved and it was satisfying on that level. What does any of this really have to do with Prison Break? I have no idea. I'm rambling.

Fear of Clowns (2004)

Fear of Clowns (2004)

Directed by: Kevin Kangas
Screenplay by: Kevin Kangas

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 106 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: DVD

Evil has a new face!

[IMDb]

Comments: I literally thought Fear of Clowns was well over two hours long while watching it; that's how fucking slow the film was. To be fair, I watched this with a lot of people and certainly missed some parts. But I really don't care. The clown looked like a male stripper they stuck some face paint on. Kevin Kargas did in fact make a sequel... but I don't think I'll be watching it any time soon. There's really not much else worth mentioning.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray
Screenplay by: Fred Olen Ray and T.L. Lankford

Genre: Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 75 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

They charge an arm and a leg!

[IMDb]

Comments: It was pretty cool to finally watch Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. The film's great in the fact that the plot is bizarre and the women are frequently naked. But on the other hand, the pseudo-film noir vibe with the detective slows the film down and takes away from the fun of how campy the rest of the film is. Unfortunately, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers just isn't quite good enough to be considered one of the better cult classics. However, it's still a fun way to spend an hour.

Delirium (1972)

Delirium (1972)

Directed by: Renato Polselli
Screenplay by: Renato Polselli

Genre: Crime | Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 102 Minutes (International Cut)
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: On one hand, certain parts of Delirium are awesome and fun as hell to watch. On the other hand, the film is bizarre as hell and can generally be described as completely wacky. Characters did certain things seemingly only to further the plot, and the entire story from beginning to end just felt off. Combined with the fact that many of the characters are bat-shit crazy, and you have yourself one strange film. The DVD also includes the alternate American cut, which I fast-forwarded through, and parts of it are rather different from the International version. Whenever I see a DVD with multiple endings I always feel less enthused with the film I watched; it always feels like the director/writer never had "one vision" and couldn't make up their minds. The same goes for Delirium, and it help explains why the film feels so disjointed at times.

Also, I'm not quite sure how much crap I'll be watching in the next couple weeks. I just got a new (and very good) job, but it's a couple hours away so there's a lot of shit that needs done. And then, on top of what normal people have to do when moving, I have to pack up 2,000+ DVDs and the accompanying shelves and crap that go with it. While it's an exciting time, I'll be much more glad when it's all done and I can watch the newly-acquired Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers in my new place.

Also Known As: Delirio Caldo

Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)

Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)

Directed by: Sally Mattison
Screenplay by: Catherine Cyran

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 87 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

It's driller time... and this bit's for you!

[IMDb]

Comments: While I wasn't a fan of Slumber Party Massacre II due to its bizarreness and general "WTF?" aspect, I despised Slumber Party Massacre III simply because of its terribleness. Horrid, horrid acting combined with a plot that had severe logic problems led me to really hate the time I spent with this film. Sure, Maria Ford was in it, but her lack of acting skills was even more noticeable at this early point in her career. The Slumber Party Massacre Collection itself is a solid DVD set, but beyond the first film there's not much to hang your hat on in terms of film quality.

Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

Directed by: Deborah Brock
Screenplay by: Deborah Brock

Genre: Comedy | Horror | Musical
Running Time: 75 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

The party begins when the lights go out!

[IMDb]

Comments: What the hell did I just watch? This is certainly not the film I was thinking of when I stated that I thought I'd seen the Slumber Party Massacre sequel in the post below. I'm pretty sure everyone involved in the making of this film was on acid. That's all.

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Directed by: Amy Holden Jones
Screenplay by: Rita Mae Brown

Genre: Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 77 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Close your eyes for a second... and sleep forever.

[IMDb]

Comments: The Slumber Party Massacre is pretty mediocre, especially in the midst of all the slasher films that came out in the '80s (seriously, how many films have 'Massacre' in their name?). But that still doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. I picked this up (along with the two sequels) as part of the recently-released Triple Feature DVD under Roger Corman's Cult Classics collection. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I definitely remember watching this film as a youngster (and I'm pretty sure I've seen the second part as well). My only real complaint is the constant "false scare" scenes during the first half of the film. It seemed like every five seconds there was eerie music with a shadowy figure sneaking up on someone, only to be revealed as their friend. It got annoying after awhile. Still, The Slumber Party Massacre is a fun and surprisingly gory film. It's not great, but it's certainly better than a number of other shittier '80s slasher films you could be watching.

Salvage (2009)

Salvage (2009)

Directed by: Lawrence Gough
Screenplay by: Colin O'Donnell

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 79 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Fear cannot be contained.

[IMDb]

Comments: I hadn't even heard of Salvage until a few days ago when it was listed as a featured film in DVDTalk's October Horror Movie Challenge. I then saw it for rent at Family Video the other day, so I decided give it a whirl. Unfortunately, it took me two days to get through a 75 minute film. For some reason, Salvage bored the hell out of me. It tries to create high tension while being somewhat of a character study, but instead it feels tired and uninteresting (mainly because I could have given two shits about the characters). The father and daughter introduced at the beginning (which we're led to believe are the main characters at first) are much more interesting but barely used after the first fifteen minutes. It soon becomes all about the mother, who's kind of annoying. Anyway, I can see people enjoying this film, because it's not completely awful and decently directed. But the film just bored the shit out of me, and I really can't recommend it more than that.

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)

Directed by: Ben Ketai
Screenplay by: Steve Niles and Ben Ketai

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 92 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

[IMDb]

Comments: Well, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days was a heck of a lot better than I expected it to be, especially for a direct-to-video sequel. It pales in comparison to the original, but Dark Days is still entertaining in its own right. I had two main issues with the film, though. The first is that it takes place in Los Angeles. The setting of the first film in Alaska was one of my favorite things about it. The snowfall and darkness created such an amazing mood for the film, and made it so much better. Secondly, I could not stand Diora Baird's character. She's so fucking annoying and has no redeeming value; she only serves to fuck things up for everyone. Plus, if you have Diora Baird in the cast, at least giver her something to wear that shows off her... assets (completely NSFW). Also, Kiele Sanchez replaces Melissa George as Stella Oleson. I normally hate when there's no continuity in films, but I don't mind here as much since I like Kiele (and am a big fan of her show The Glades). In the end, you certainly can do a lot worse with a DTV sequel. So if you're interested, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days isn't a bad flick to pass the time.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

Directed by: Tom Six
Screenplay by: Tom Six

Genre: Drama | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 92 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

100% medically accurate.

[IMDb]

Comments: First, I appreciate movies that go the extra mile to revolt or disgust viewers, as The Human Centipede did. Sometimes there's a good film behind all of the craziness, but sadly that's not the case here. That's not to say The Human Centipede is a terrible movie; it's simply very mediocre with an extra dose of grotesqueness thrown in. I thought the "human centipede" aspect would've been saved for the end of the film, but the surgery occurs midway through and you get to see them crawl around together for the last half of the film, which is awesome as hell. But there's not much of a compelling story beyond the shock aspect, which means The Human Centipede should be more of a rental than anything else.

Diary of the Dead (2007)

Diary of the Dead (2009)

Directed by: George A. Romero
Screenplay by: George A. Romero

Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 95 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Shoot the dead.

[IMDb]

Comments: Now that I've finally watched the last of Romero's six Dead films, I can safely say that Diary of the Dead is the worst, by far. I found the whole film to be uninteresting, the characters both unsympathetic and unlikable, and the dialogue to be dreadful. I especially hated the scenes where characters had "profound" moments where they would share their wisdom with the camera. Those were terrible and made me want to stab myself in the eye. The only scene I really enjoyed was the "dead" mummy guy chasing the chick toward the end of the film, as it parodied the opening scene when they were shooting a film, before the zombie outbreak. Everything the chick bitched about happening in their horror film that "doesn't happen in real life" happened later on (including her top getting ripped down). That was actually pretty damn funny. Beyond that, blah. Pass on this one.

Survival of the Dead (2009)

Survival of the Dead (2009)

Directed by: George A. Romero
Screenplay by: George A. Romero

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Death isn't what it used to be.

[IMDb]

Comments: I've been a big fan of George Romero's Dead films over the years. I still haven't seen Diary of the Dead although I'm not sure why; I've owned the film for years. I wish I would have though as it's directly referenced at the beginning of Survival of the Dead. As for this film, I enjoyed it. Survival was pretty much bashed in all of the reviews I read for it, however, I still found it to be a good and entertaining zombie flick (although it is definitely the worst when compared to the other four Dead films I've seen). My biggest issue was the dialogue; much of it seemed hokey and at times very unnatural. Beyond that, I was a fan of Survival of the Dead, but I don't think George needs to make any more Dead films. He probably will, though. Maybe one last epic zombie film simply titled ...of the Dead. That could be bad ass.

Spike (2008)

Spike (2008)

Directed by: Robert Beaucage
Screenplay by: Robert Beaucage

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 80 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

A Gothic fairytale.

[IMDb]

Comments: Wow, this was terrible. Spike started out interestingly enough with no backstory and characters doing the most random things (the one chick smacks the shit out of her lesbian lover with a ski to stop her from wandering off in the woods). But soon after the creature appears, things take a turn for the worse. The one girl is carried off, and we find out that she and the creature knew each other as children (when he was still hideous, and she was his only friend; not much else of a background is provided or maybe I just stopped paying attention). At this point we discover that Spike's not a horror movie, rather, it's a shit-ass drama about a sad monster and this dumb chick. It's terrible. I already wrote entirely too much, so now I'm done. Half a star for the chick hitting her bitch with a ski.

Pig Hunt (2008)

Pig Hunt (2008)

Directed by: James Isaac
Screenplay by: Robert Mailer Anderson and Zack Anderson

Genre: Action | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 100 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Get muddy! Get bloody! Kill or be killed!

[IMDb]

Comments: I went into Pig Hunt with no real expectations. It had a 4.8 rating on the IMDb, which generally guarantees awfulness (although a high rating never guarantees a good film). However, I read in a few places that it was one of the better Fangoria FrightFest releases (of which Pig Hunt was apart of along with seven other films; it's very similar to Lionsgate's After Dark Horrorfest). Anyway, the first half of the film was dull as shit and I kept glancing at the clock to see how much longer I had. Then all of a sudden, shit got real! Pig Hunt went from a by-the-numbers horror flick to a bizarre yet generally entertaining film. I don't want to overstate the awesomeness, as Pig Hunt's still a mediocre film. It's just not nearly as shitty as I thought it was going to be. And it has an awesome soundtrack too. Worth a rent at the least.

Ninjas vs. Zombies (2008)

Ninjas vs. Zombies (2008)

Directed by: Justin Timpane
Screenplay by: Justin Timpane

Genre: Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 86 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Who do YOU think will win?

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm always on the lookout for crazy shit when I feel like renting a movie, and Ninjas vs. Zombies seemed to fit that bill. And for the most part, it lived up to my low expectations. The overall story is fucking weird and a bit disjointed, but there were several legitimately funny scenes. I was also impressed with the fight choreography for such a low-budget film. It's not perfect (nor can it compare to The Bourne Identity or something like that), but it's very well done given the circumstances. There's really not much horror to be found, as the film's mainly a comedy; however, since Ninjas vs. Zombies is generally funny, it works. Oh, and there's a wizard too (which is how the random guys become ninjas). He basically has god-like powers, and no one seems to think that's weird. Anyway, Ninjas vs. Zombies is a decent movie and certainly worth a rent if you enjoy this sort of thing. I do.

The Initiation (1984)

The Initiation (1984)

Directed by: Larry Stewart
Screenplay by: Charles Pratt Jr.

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 97 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

They pledge themselves to be young, stay young... and die young.

[IMDb]

Comments: I wasn't sure at first, but after a few minutes I recalled watching The Initiation when I was younger. One of my favorite things to do as a teenager was rent awesome low-budget horror and exploitation VHS tapes from my local video stores (and see what the clerks would let me get away with when renting; my 14-year-old self loved I Spit on Your Grave). While The Initiation is far from original and hardly sleazy, it's a rather well-made film and certainly surpassed my expectations. I didn't recall the "twist" ending, so that made for a nice surprise as well. It's certainly nothing noteworthy, but The Initiation is a solid '80s slasher that doesn't disappoint.