Salt (2010)

Salt (2010)

Directed by: Phillip Noyce
Screenplay by: Kurt Wimmer

Genre: Action | Crime | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 104 Minutes (Director's Cut)
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Who is Salt?

[IMDb]

Comments: So Salt didn't really do anything for me. It's your typical summer action thriller - lots of boom on the surface with nothing happening underneath. The plot and stunts are so fucking over-the-top that Salt is impossible to take seriously, something which also does nothing to help the film. I probably should have saved my money on this one, but I had just bought my Blu-ray at the time and wanted something fun and flashy. I just never got around to watching the film until now. Perhaps, if I had my own house with a fucking kick-ass surround sound system, it would've been a worthy early Blu-ray selection.

Mystery Team (2009)

Mystery Team (2009)

Directed by: Dan Eckman
Screenplay by: D.C. Pierson, Donald Glover, and Dominic Dierkes

Genre: Comedy | Crime | Mystery
Running Time: 97 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

One big case. Zero clue.

[IMDb]

Comments: Let's get this out of the way first: Mystery Team is a fucking stupid movie. But that doesn't mean it's not a rather funny stupid movie. There's some absolutely terrific one-liners spread throughout. The problem is that the premise wears a little thin by the last act of the film, and I was ready for the crew to wrap things up. Mystery Team does expand my love of Donald Glover, who's hilarious on Community and has a great little rap act as Childish Gambino. So while I do recommend Mystery Team, it's mostly to those who can appreciate a little dumb humor, because that's all you're going to get out of this film.

Taxi Driver (1976)

Taxi Driver (1976)

Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Screenplay by: Paul Schrader

Genre: Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 113 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

On every street in every city, there's a nobody who dreams of being a
  somebody.

[IMDb]

Comments: I have seen parts of Taxi Driver over the years, but I've never seen it all in one fell swoop. But now, I've finally gotten around to seeing one of Scorsese's best. While I can say that the film was great, particularly the evolution of Travis Bickle's breakdown (how completely realistic was that?), I have to say that my favorite part was the wonderfully haunting score. A good score can really make a film, and it certainly made Taxi Driver even better than it already was. Not the light, playful music that played when Cybil Shepard was onscreen, but the ominous and brooding pieces that played during the film's darker moments. Taxi Driver looked great on Blu-ray too, so no complaints on the double-dip from me (yes, I actually have the special edition on DVD too... I've just never watched it). What else can I say? If you're a jackass like me and have never watched the film, do it! Now!

The Thaw (2009)

The Thaw (2009)

Directed by: Mark A. Lewis
Screenplay by: Mark A. Lewis and Michael Lewis

Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 90 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Blu-ray

This Spring, the sacrifice begins...

[IMDb]

Comments: For a movie called The Thaw, there's certainly not a hell of a lot of ice or snow in the film. What the hell? I like a nice snowy environment; it really can help set the mood in a horror film (or any film, for that matter). There's also nothing even remotely original about The Thaw either, which doesn't help. It's all been done before. Pass on this one, even with the lush allure of one Val Kilmer.

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

Directed by: Glenn Ficarra and John Requa
Screenplay by: Glenn Ficarra and John Requa

Genre: Comedy | Drama | Romance
Running Time: 98 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Blu-ray

Do some time with the one you love.

[IMDb]

Comments: The best thing about I Love You Phillip Morris has to be that the film was based on a true story. Just read the Wikipedia page for Jim Carrey's character; it's incredible. But speaking of Jim Carrey, I found him to be a bit annoying during the film. He's funny at times, but his accent and mannerisms started to wear on me by the end of I Love You Phillip Morris. The fact that the story behind the film is true makes Phillip Morris a curious watch. Beyond that, everything else is unfortuntely very middle-of-the-road.

The Slammin' Salmon (2009)

The Slammin' Salmon (2009)

Directed by: Kevin Heffernan
Screenplay by: Broken Lizard

Genre: Comedy
Running Time: 90 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Blu-ray

Bring a bib, it's gonna get messy.

[IMDb]

Comments: If I'm being honest, there's really nothing that will ever top Super Troopers for Broken Lizard (not even Super Troopers 2, which is due out this year). Their other films are good enough, and The Slammin' Salmon falls into that category. It's rather funny at times, but the script behind it is incredibly tired and predictable. It's the little things that make the film pretty good. I will give some props to Michael Clarke Duncan though, because he was entertaining in his role. But what the fuck is up with Morgan Fairchild's tits? She's had more plastic surgery than... someone who's had a lot of plastic surgery. Oh, burn!

Scream 4 (2011)

Scream 4 (2011)

Directed by: Wes Craven
Screenplay by: Kevin Williamson

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 111 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

New decade. New rules.

[IMDb]

Comments: Kristen Bell. Aimee Teegarden. Hayden Panettiere. And my future wife, Alison Brie. Scream 4 is a like a nerd's wet dream come to life. Plus there's a ton of other lovely ladies. Despite the lack of nudity, I really can't complain about that aspect. As for the film itself, it's really more of the same. Scream 4 is incredibly full of itself, much like the original trilogy became towards the end. I was never a huge fan of any of the first three, but Scream 4 has enough humor (among the more "meta" shit that's overly explained throughout) that I did enjoy it. I was disappointed in the reveal of the killer at the end. While it was, I guess, a bit unexpected, it wasn't shocking or awesome. I was hoping for some huge finale... you know, go big or go home. But it didn't really deliver. If you liked the first three films, you'll enjoy this one. If not, you may find parts of it enjoyable enough (as I did) that it's worth your time.

Giallo (2009)

Giallo (2009)

Directed by: Dario Argento
Screenplay by: Jim Agnew, Dario Argento, and Sean Keller

Genre: Crime | Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 92 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

[IMDb]

Comments: Giallo is one of those movies where the story surrounding it is much more interesting than what happens onscreen. (Why is it that when I typed that the first thing I thought of was Caligula?) Anyway, you are unable to currently buy this film from any distributor (of course, you can buy it second-hand), because apparently it slipped Mr. Argento's mind to pay Adrien Brody (not that he deserved to be paid much from his hugely uninspired performance). But then again, Argento probably deserved to be paid nothing as well for a completely uninspired film. Giallo wasn't terrible, but it certainly wasn't good (but I did rent it for free, so not all was lost).

Cyrus (2010)

Cyrus (2010)

Directed by: Jay Duplass and Mark Duplass
Screenplay by: Jay Duplass and Mark Duplass

Genre: Comedy | Drama | Romance
Running Time: 91 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

John met the woman of his dreams. Then he met her son...

[IMDb]

Comments: Meh. That sums up Cyrus pretty decently for me. It felt like a standard rom-com masquerading as an indie film. I really don't like Jonah Hill that much (but won't deny that I love Superbad), so watching him during some of the more dramatic scenes made me cringe a bit. Yeah, that's enough. Next.

Love and Other Drugs (2010)

Love and Other Drugs (2010)

Directed by: Edward Zwick
Screenplay by: Charles Randolph, Edward Zwick, and Marshall
  Herskovitz

Genre: Comedy | Drama | Romance
Running Time: 112 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

[IMDb]

Comments: I think this movie could also double as an asshole test. Listen, I'm a romantic at heart, and I won't lie that a good romance onscreen will make me swoon like a fool (and I mean a good one, not some Twilight bullshit). But in Love and Other Drugs, I was somewhat rooting for Jake and Anne... to go their separate ways. I just kept thinking how fucked up Jake Gyllenhaal's life would be if he stayed with her. Does that make me a selfish asshole? Probably. Or did it mean that I didn't completely buy into their relationship? Maybe. Was Anne Hathaway not wearing any clothes for the first hour the best part of Love and Other Drugs? Definitely. Anyway, this asshole liked the film for what it was, but that's about it. I guess Jake couldn't sell me completely on this one. That's a joke! (You see, he plays a drug rep that sells pharmaceuticals... oh, fuck it.)

The Next Three Days (2010)

The Next Three Days (2010)

Directed by: Paul Haggis
Screenplay by: Paul Haggis

Genre: Crime | Drama | Romance | Thriller
Running Time: 122 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Lose who you are to save what you love.

[IMDb]

Comments: The Next Three Days is another movie I didn't have high expectations for. I felt that it would be a fun "Sunday afternoon" movie that was entertaining but nothing more. Luckily, the film was entertaining, but there's certainly some more to go along with it. I was glued to the screen during these two hours, waiting to see how The Next Three Days would unfold. I liked that Russell Crowe had trouble working out the plan to break his wife out - too often in movies things just fall into place so easily. But a large chunk of the film is devoted to Crowe's plans backfiring and him having to retrace his steps. There's also a wealth of known actors that play small roles, which is neat as well (Liam Neeson, Olivia Wilde). Brian Dennehy was great as Crowe's father despite his lack of screen time. He really makes his scenes count. Oh, and Daniel Stern appears out of nowhere too. I love that guy. Anyway, The Next Three Days is a solid film and certainly worth a watch. It's good for a Sunday afternoon... or any other day of the week.

On a side note, I did have one huge beef. Don't get me wrong, there's a ton of implausible things that happened in this movie. But there was one that just annoyed me, because it was proven impossible by Mythbusters... a show millions of people watch! You can't open a car lock with a tennis ball! Why do something so silly when so many people know that you can't do that. Things like this really grind my gears...

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

Directed by: Tod Williams
Screenplay by: Michael R. Perry, Christopher Landon, and Tom Pabst

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 91 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Last year you demanded it. But that was just the beginning.

[IMDb]

Comments: I enjoyed the original Paranormal Activity - it was a solid enough movie despite its flaws. However, I wasn't expecting much from Paranormal Activity 2, but I ended up being pleasantly surprised. Not only was the film worth my time, but I think it was actually better than the first. I liked the addition of the security camera footage, because it made the proceedings a bit more realistic while at the same time not having to explain why a person would be carrying a camera around during the most random times (though that does pop up once or twice throughout PA2 - particularly toward the end of the film). I also liked the narrative and how it was woven into the first Paranormal Activity, and the thought put into it certainly surpassed the standard horror sequel script I was expecting. I do know what would make Paranormal Activity 3 great as well, and I'll share it with you: having a demon make Katie (the actress from the first two) run around topless all movie long. That's just a personal opinion, though. Anyway, I really enjoyed this, and will look to pick it up on Blu-ray down the road when it's cheaper. There's not much more that I could ask for from Paranormal Activity 2, especially when I thought it was going to be awful, so this is a definite thumbs up from me.

Delivery (2006)

Delivery (2006)

Directed by: Jose Zambrano Cassella
Screenplay by: Jose Zambrano Cassella

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 95 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

Tonight, nobody will forget his name...

[IMDb]

Comments: I picked up Delivery a few years back from a local video store that was going out of business. It had decent artwork, and quite frankly, looked exactly like something I'd enjoy. Fast forward a few years, and I finally got around to watching it. The premise is a bit different than most low budget horror films. The main dude, who plays both the sympathetic character that the audience identifies with and the killer, is a relatively normal guy that can't catch any breaks and always gets shit on by everyone. This goes on for an hour or so until he snaps, killing pretty much everyone in the film up to that point. I will say that I enjoyed Delivery for the most part, and I found the lead to be half decent for his first acting gig. The problem is when the "horror" kicks in - everything is extremely underwhelming and boring. It also shows off the film's budget (or lack thereof), as a sorority party is forced outside in the rain where they're all electrocuted. It's hysterical, because there's twenty half-naked women standing in the rain jiggling around pretending to be fried - while shitty electric effects pass from person to person. It's awesome. Delivery? Not so much.

Phantoms (1998)

Phantoms (1998)

Directed by: Joe Chappelle
Screenplay by: Dean R. Koontz

Genre: Drama | Horror | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 96 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

This time, the terror comes from below.

[IMDb]

Comments: Every time I see a mention of this movie, I think of Jason Mewes' line to Ben Affleck in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: "Affleck, you the bomb in Phantoms, yo!" While Ben Affleck may be the bomb in the film, Phantoms is an otherwise mediocre rip-off of John Carpenter's The Thing remake. There's not too much more to say here, other than the film could have been a lot better. Word, bitch. Phantoms like a motherfucker.

The Fighter (2010)

The Fighter (2010)

Directed by: David O. Russell
Screenplay by: Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, and Eric Johnson

Genre: Biography | Drama | Sport
Running Time: 115 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

[IMDb]

Comments: Wow, this was really good.

Elephant (2003)

Elephant (2003)

Directed by: Gus Van Sant
Screenplay by: Gus Van Sant

Genre: Crime | Drama
Running Time: 81 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

An ordinary high school day. Except that it's not.

[IMDb]

Comments: I recall watching Elephant the first time a few years ago; I was bored through most of it, (patiently waiting) until those final scenes. I knew what Gus Van Sant was trying to do - show everyday life and how it is destroyed by unthinkable violence. There just wasn't anything that held my attention until the end. But watching the film again, I found out just how Elephant is incredibly well made, and that mundane feeling throughout truly helps elevate what is to come. You get to know many of these characters even thought you're never given much, and you feel what they feel when staring into a gun. I can't put a finger on it exactly, but the film is so much more powerful to me than when I watched it originally. I feel uneasy now just typing this. Elephant certainly isn't for everyone, but if you go into the film ready to watch a slow, dramatic piece, you may see just how powerful it is.

Insidious (2010)

Insidious (2010)

Directed by: James Wan
Screenplay by: Leigh Whannell

Genre: Fantasy | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 103 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Theater

It's not the house that's haunted.

[IMDb]

Comments: Man, Insidious had me... right until they started explaining things. James Wan (of the original Saw fame) had everything rolling in the extremely tense first half of the film. I was really into what was happening onscreen, up until the audience needed to be told what was happening. After that, Insidious lost its edge, and the proceedings slowly became more and more over-the-top. I no longer was smiling, wondering what was going to creep me out next. But in the end, I tend to look on the bright side. For a mainstream, PG-13 horror film, Insidious is pretty good. It's certainly worth a rental, but it's the kind of film that will be more fun to watch at night... and maybe with someone who's easily freaked out. It'll be fun.

The Faculty (1998)

The Faculty (1998)

Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Screenplay by: Kevin Williamson

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 104 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

What if your teachers really were from another planet?

[IMDb]

Comments: The Faculty's not a great movie by any means, but it's certainly fun for what it is. I remember renting this on VHS (gasp!) back when I was a dumb teenager, and having a lot of fun watching the film with my cousin. It's still a fun trip now (and worth it alone for the lovely Laura Harris' dimly-lit scene at the end of the film). There's not much more I can say; I think you know going into a film like The Faculty if you'll like it or not. I do, so that's all that matters.

Bread Crumbs (2011)

Bread Crumbs (2011)

Directed by: Mike Nichols
Screenplay by: Charles Black and Sam Freeman

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 88 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

We all live in a house of candy...

[IMDb]

Comments: Yeah, this movie was pretty fucking terrible. Bread Crumbs starts out promisingly enough - a porn shoot taking place in an isolated part of the woods, where the group is stalked by these two 'kids' that are essentially half-retarded killing machines (there's nothing PC about TMW, folks). Immediately two of my favorite things spring to mind: nudity and violence. While there's a little bit of each, Bread Crumbs never really delivers. Most of the death scenes are boring, and there's not anywhere near enough nudity for a film that has the word 'porn' in its description. To top it off, the characters are annoying as hell, and the film takes entirely too long to wrap up. Bread Crumbs is definitely the weakest of the Backwoods Butchers collection. Pass.

Source Code (2011)

Source Code (2011)

Directed by: Duncan Jones
Screenplay by: Ben Ripley

Genre: Action | Mystery | Romance | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Theater

Make every second count.

[IMDb]

Comments: To be honest, Source Code was near the top of my anticipated films list as soon as I found out Duncan Jones was directing. I was a huge fan of Moon, so I was eager to see what Bowie Jr. would deliver next. Source Code was a more-than-worthy follow-up, even if it doesn't live up to Jones' debut. The film's definitely more sci-fi than anything - in a good way - and there's a solid romance behind the mind-bending plot to keep the film grounded. While it's certainly not going to be my favorite film of the year, it is up until now, so Source Code comes highly recommended.

Mother's Day Massacre (2007)

Mother's Day Massacre (2007)

Directed by: Jeff Roenning
Screenplay by: Jeff Roenning

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 77 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

A father and son buddy picture... from hell.

[IMDb]

Comments: Well, I'll give it this: Mother's Day Massacre doesn't fit the usual low budget horror mold. There's nothing particularly original about the film either, it's just not completely cliched like many of its ilk are. Mother's Day Massacre elicits a few chuckles at times too, which doesn't hurt. The main drag was the ending, which was a bit, shall we say, shit-tacular (but yet still fitting in with the rest of the film - a smidge unconventional). The film's part of the aforementioned Backwoods Butchers collection, so once again I really can't complain at the entertainment value provided on a $5 price point.

Butchered (2010)

Butchered (2010)

Directed by: Charles Stewart Jr.
Screenplay by: The Sheila Brothers and Roxanne Marchand

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 71 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: What can I say? I love this crap. Butchered is a low budget slasher I bought this week on Echo Bridges' Midnight Horror: Backwoods Butchers collection (complete with three other crappy horror movies that will pop up later on the blog). On one hand, the film has a good look and doesn't look low budget; it's a crisp picture despite the $5 price tag and the fact that four films are shoved on one disc. On the other hand, It feels that at least forty minutes of the barely one-hour runtime is dedicated melodramatic bullshit. Listen, I don't mind some good drama. But I hate seeing it done by completely incompetent actors - especially when all I want out of a film is gratuitous nudity and graphic violence. Butchered doesn't really deliver on those fronts, either (but it's at least not completely neutered). I was left with this lasting thought though: how come all of my female friends I hung out with in high school didn't have breast implants like these girls did?

Puppet Master II (1991)

Puppet Master II (1991)

Directed by: Dave Allen
Screenplay by: David Pabian

Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 88 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

They're back. No strings attached.

[IMDb]

Comments: Puppet Master II is a decent enough sequel when compared to the original, but there's such a lull in the middle of the film that I started zoning out because nothing interesting was happening. Then we got a shot of boobs and a few very tame deaths, but it was enough to bring me back around. I do really enjoy the score used for the film (the same was used in the first Puppet Master), but the print on this Echo Bridge triple feature was really bad (especially compared with the first film). While Puppet Master II isn't particularly good, it was entertaining enough for me. Bring on more random Echo Bridge horror!

Puppet Master (1989)

Puppet Master (1989)

Directed by: David Schmoeller
Screenplay by: David Schmoeller

Genre: Drama | Horror | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 90 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Evil comes in all sizes.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm not quite sure how to rate the original Puppet Master. It's not a very good movie, and the suspension of disbelief that these tiny puppets are not only killing people, but outwitting and overpowering them is rather hilarious. But on the other hand, after the overlong character development, the film's pretty entertaining for a straight-to-VHS flick from the late '80s. For the $5 I spent on a combo pack of the first three films, you can't go wrong (well, you probably can... but for me it works).