Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the
  Ooze (1991)

Directed by: Michael Pressman
Screenplay by: Todd W. Langen

Genre: Action | Adventure | Comedy | Family | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 88 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG
Viewed: Owned DVD

Back by bodacious demand.

[IMDb]

Comments: Even though Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze doesn't quite stack up to the original, it's still a ton of fun. The two major downfalls of the film are the ridiculous replacement of Bebop and Rocksteady by Tokka and Rahzar along with the new sidekick, Keno. There's nothing wrong with him, but he's definitely no Casey Jones. However, the inclusion of Vanilla Ice just about makes up for all of that. I think my favorite part of the series is the fact that two of the four turtles have sharp weapons, yet no one is stabbed or dismembered (now that would be an awesome TMNT movie!), let alone cut (I realize it's a kids movie, I'm just being a jackass). I didn't have the fortune of owning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze on VHS as a kid, so I didn't watch it all the time. However, the movie holds up pretty well and is rather entertaining. Or maybe I'm still just a kid on the inside.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Directed by: Steve Barron
Screenplay by: Todd W. Langen and Bobby Herbeck

Genre: Action | Comedy | Crime | Drama | Family | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG
Viewed: Owned DVD

Heroes in a half shell!

[IMDb]

Comments: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Ghostbusters series were films that I wore out on VHS as a child. The films led me to believe that I could single-handedly take out 18 enemies at once, even as an 8-year-old kid (I think that Surf Ninjas and Three Ninjas also helped with that feeling). To this day, I still consider the original Ghostbusters my favorite film, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ain't too shabby either. While it drew some criticism from fans of the original series for being much darker, the film was my first exposure to the Turtles. Therefore, I love the film, and while there's numerous issues, it brings back great memories and I will always remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fondly. Cowabunga!

Superbad (2007)

Superbad (2007)

Directed by: Greg Mottola
Screenplay by: Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg

Genre: Comedy
Running Time: 118 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Owned DVD

Come and get some.

[IMDb]

Comments: Superbad is one of my favorite films of the last few years. It's probably been one of my most watched (not that I watch the DVD a lot, rather Starz shows the damn film all the time and thus I always end up watching part of it). While the movie is a tad long in parts, I find just about all of it hysterical. With the exception of the insane cops, most of the movie is realistic and often has some real depth behind it. Not that I watch this movie for depth, though. Christopher Mintz-Plasse is the true star of Superbad, and instantly steals every scene he's in. It's just a shame that he will play the exact same character for most of his career (see: Michael Cera). Superbad is definitely one of the best comedies of the last few years, and ranks up there with the other Apatow-related films. It's definitely worth a watch if you've never seen this gem.

The Shining (1980)

The Shining (1980)

Directed by: Stanley Kubrick
Screenplay by: Stanley Kubrick and Diane Johnson

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 146 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

A masterpiece of modern horror.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm ashamed to admit that this is actually the first time that I watched The Shining. I'm even more ashamed that it took me multiple nights to finish this film. It wasn't that I didn't like the film, instead things just kept popping up or I got tired and went to bed. Thus, my perception may have been altered as I never got to experience the film in one sitting. I had a few issues with The Shining, and I can see why it wasn't originally received as it is remembered now. Perhaps if I watch it again, I may enjoy it more, but as of now I feel that a lot was unexplained and we never really got to see the true descent into madness. Instead, the Torrence family was OK, and then all of a sudden everyone was batshit crazy. Like I said, I may enjoy the film more at later date when I get to watch it all at once, but right now I feel that The Shining wouldn't be remembered as much if Stanley Kubrick's name wasn't attached to it.

BloodRayne (2005)

BloodRayne (2005)

Directed by: Uwe Boll
Screenplay by: Guinevere Turner

Genre: Action | Comedy | Fantasy
Running Time: 95 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: DVD

Revenge never tasted so sweet.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm not going to lie, about halfway through BloodRayne I stopped paying attention and began shouting as many insults about the film as possible with my friend. This film is my official first Uwe Boll experience, as I have avoided him like the plague in the past (I won't lie, I've been very interested in seeing Tunnel Rats and will probably rent the film soon). The funny thing about BloodRayne is that despite a very decent cast (albeit most of them were miscast in their roles), as well as the nice looking sets and production values, the movie completely bombs. Ben Kingsley acts as if his check just cleared, and so he is rifling through his lines as fast as possible to get the fuck out of there. Michael Madsen is horrible (as he almost always is when not in a Tarantino-related film), and Michelle Rodriguez is a Puerto Rican woman in a movie about 18th century Romania... Anyway, there is some decent gore, but the film generally fails in every aspect. While many of the pieces were in place to make at least a decent film, I can only assume BloodRayne's failure is one of the many reasons why no one has anything nice to say about Uwe Boll.

Wrestlemaniac (2006)

Wrestlemaniac (2006)

Directed by: Jesse Baget
Screenplay by: Jesse Baget

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 75 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Owned DVD

Let the face off begin.

[IMDb]

Comments: Wrestlemaniac starts off slow, boring, and about as generic as one could get. We're introduced to a cast of characters off to shoot a porn in in Acapulco, or Cancún, or some exotic Mexican city that they mentioned but I can't remember. For a movie about shooting a porn, not a lot of porn is involved, which is a major downfall. More titties = higher ratings. Anyway, after the first few idiots are killed off without a hint of gore, I was starting to get antsy. Luckily the second half of this (thankfully) incredibly short film picked up on the gore, and was much more entertaining. El Mascarado, our killer (played by none other than the father or professional wrestler Rey Mysterio, Jr.), specializes in ripping people's faces off (akin to Mexican wrestlers having their masks ripped off), and until Wrestlemaniac I never realized how easy this feat can be accomplished. Perhaps the next time I am in a tussle, I can just start ripping at the face. The finale of the film is a big shot to the male viewer's already blue balls, as the only chick that doesn't get naked (and the best looking one) hides underwater in a wet t-shirt and has her shorts ripped off, but nothing really interesting comes of it. She then is stabbed through the stomach with a giant metal pole and the movie ends. Yeah, I just ruined that shit for you.

Also Known As: El Mascarado Massacre

Apocalypse Now (1979)

Apocalypse Now (1979)

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola
Screenplay by: John Milius and Francis Ford Coppola

Genre: Action | Drama | War
Running Time: 202 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

The horror... The horror...

[IMDb]

Comments: If I had to make a list of my favorite films, a good portion of them would be extremely depressing films. While I enjoy lighthearted fare, a serious drama that leaves me feeling like I was hit by a truck always does the trick. I can remember exactly where I was when I first watched films like The Deer Hunter, Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. Well, maybe not the last one so much. Anyway, Apocalypse Now is one of those films. I must have listened to The Doors' song "The End" ten straight times after I first watched the movie (as I am now). Apocalypse Now is truly a surreal nightmare, with so many strange and insane things happening. It is most definitely not a typical war film. We follow Captain Willard (Martin Sheen) and his escorts (including a young Laurence Fishburne) as they sail up the Nung River into enemy territory on a mission to kill Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando). Along the way, they meet Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore (Robert Duvall), as he orders men to surf on a barely secured beach while still taking Vietcong fire (he also utters two of the movie's most famous lines: "Charlie don't surf!" and "I love the smell of napalm in the morning!"). Along the way, the group encounters total chaos as many outposts have no commanding officer, and soldiers are both losing touch and anything they learned before shipping out. I was born many years after the Vietnam War, and while many things that Willard encounters seem far-fetched, I can see it happening. Soldiers are stuck in a war with no end in sight, it seems logical that chaos would ensue. The same problem plagues The Deer Hunter, when people argue that Russian Roulette was never practiced on prisoners of war. Still, the movie is incredibly powerful, as is Apocalypse Now. This is the first time I have watched the Redux version, as I was always worried that the extra footage would alter my perspective of the film. While the film now is over three hours long, it is still excellent. Apocalypse Now easily has a place on my list of favorite films.

Taken (2008)

Taken (2008)

Directed by: Pierre Morel
Screenplay by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen

Genre: Action | Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned DVD

They took his daughter. He'll take their lives.

[IMDb]

Comments: I showed Taken to my dad for the first time tonight. The original review: Even though Taken is the bastard child of The Bourne Identity, the film is still exciting and entertaining. It felt fitting that they showed the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage before this at the theater, because although the film isn't as ludicrous as Crank, it's still a bit silly, but dammit if it isn't a fine popcorn flick. Liam Neeson goes balls to the wall in a performance Jack Bauer would no doubt be proud of. The film is never subtle, leaving you no choice but to root for Neeson, whose ex-wife is a rich bitch, and whose daughter loves him, but is sad because he was never around. Of course he's going to find her, and fucking kill everyone on the way there! There's definitely no shortage of action in Taken, a movie that if given some more thought in the script to go along with the excellent fight and chase scenes, could have been a really good movie. Instead, just bring the popcorn.

Band of Brothers (2001)

Band of Brothers (2001)

Created by: Tom Hanks and Erik Jendresen

Season: One (2001 Miniseries)
Genre: Adventure | Drama | History | War
Episode Running Time: 60 Minutes
Viewed: Owned DVD

They depended on each other. And the world depended on them.

[IMDb]

Comments: I finally sat down and watched the epic HBO miniseries, Band of Brothers. The show has been pretty universally acclaimed, so I had high hopes, which were almost completely met. I was so impressed with the realism of the show; the producers weren't afraid to have "down" moments, where soldiers were in foxholes or on patrol. I was completely caught up in the lives of Winters, Nixon, and the other men of Easy Company. My favorite episode was "The Breaking Point," as it highlighted two of my favorite characters in Band of Brothers (besides Major Winters), Carwood Lipton and Ronald Speirs. While I probably enjoyed these characters more due to the actors portraying them, "The Breaking Point" is an outstanding episode where the spotlight shined on these two. Who wasn't in awe when Speirs ran directly through the German front to the other group of U.S. soldiers to give them orders, and then ran back unharmed! Band of Brothers truly sticks with you after watching the ten amazing episodes. Luckily, Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg are producing another HBO miniseries, The Pacific, which will document the other side of World War II, against Japan. Count me in!

Lady Frankenstein (1971)

Lady Frankenstein (1971)

Directed by: Mel Welles and Aureliano Luppi
Screenplay by: Edward Di Lorenzo

Genre: Horror | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 84 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Only the monster she made could satisfy her strange desires!

[IMDb]

Comments: I just purchased the Drive-In Movie Classics 50 Movie Pack online yesterday (through DeepDiscount's 25% off sale), mostly because I love crappy horror films. I also have the Chilling Classics 50 Movie Pack, but I've only watched two films from it so far (Naked Massacre and The Driller Killer). Thus I looked through to find a movie to watch this afternoon in between episodes of Band of Brothers and I settled on Lady Frankenstein, which is the worst of the three I've watched to far. The movie is definitely unintentionally funny, including spots where Lady Frankenstein is interrogated about the death of her father rather intensely... while the corpse is still lying dead in the background. Unfortunately, Lady Frankenstein is the edited version. While I have no desire to see any more plot, any violence or nudity that has been edited out should be a capital offense. Lady Frankenstein is best viewed while drunk with friends. Or if you're a sad lonely man that needs to fall asleep.

Also Known As: La Figlia di Frankenstein

The Collector (2009) -- Trailer

I'm truly not holding my breath for this film. The writer/director wrote all three Feast films, as well as the last three Saw films, which definitely worries me. I first saw the promo for the film tonight whilst watching Attack of the Show!, and I was immediately intrigued. The premise puts a little twist into the typical home invasion film (a man is in the process of burglarizing his employer, when he realizes someone else is there torturing the family, so he must save them) and I really thought it looked neat. The Collector will probably be fucking awful though.

Also, for the one person that reads this blog (that one person being me), I apologize for the lack of anything of late. I'm thinking about just randomly blabbering about whatever television show or movie I'm into as well, along with the reviews of course. My lack of posting is due to the fact that I've finally gotten a new Xbox 360 (as I previously mentioned) and the fact that I decided that I should start reading again. (I haven't read a goddamn book in years, but picked up Jim Norton's Happy Endings [which is hilarious] and Artie Lange's Too Fat to Fish.) I've been plugging away at Band of Brothers as well, but I haven't watched more than one episode a night. That is all.

Brüno (2009)

Brüno (2009)

Directed by: Larry Charles
Screenplay by: Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Hines, Dan Mazer, and
  Jeff Schaffer

Genre: Comedy
Running Time: 83 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

Borat was so 2006.

[IMDb]

Comments: I think it's pretty difficult to offend me. That's because I really don't give a shit about most things. Thus, when purchasing my ticket for Brüno this afternoon and the theater manager was discussing this film with another friend and they both agreed it was one of the worst movies they've ever seen, I got excited. I loved Borat, and it was one of my favorite movies of 2006. Unfortunately, Brüno doesn't quite live up to the hilariousness that was Borat, but it is pretty damn funny. My only real complaints with Brüno was the fact that many more scenes felt staged, which decreases the effect of some of the scenes. The story is also much less cohesive, and there's really no point or end-goal to the script (technically, Brüno wants to become a big star in America, but we never see that goal achieved except for a music video at the end). The first half of the film is a bit weak, with only some funny parts. The film really takes off in the second half, when Brüno decides to become straight to become a celebrity. This includes going hunting and camping (the bear ate all my clothes, except for this bag of condoms!), taking self defense lessons (about protecting yourself from a nude man with two dildos), as well as a swingers' party (look into my eyes!). Sacha Baron Cohen is a pretty funny guy, so I hope to see him make some more films like this. I appreciate comedians who aren't afraid to offend people. I'd love to see a Borat sequel, but I believe Cohen said it would be too difficult since everyone knows who he is. Even though Brüno doesn't live up to Borat's standards, it's still a damn funny movie, and worth your while.

Knowing (2009)

Knowing (2009)

Directed by: Alex Proyas
Screenplay by: Ryne Douglas Pearson, Juliet Snowden, and Stiles
  White

Genre: Action | Drama | Mystery | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 121 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Knowing is everything...

[IMDb]

Comments: Toward the end of Knowing, I was trying to think of as many creative ways as possible to bash this film. However, I really enjoyed the ending of the film. Despite the fact that Ryne Douglas Pearson's story is aggravatingly weak, he didn't puss out on the finale. Unfortunately, the rest of the film is a complete mess. Characters are completely underdeveloped. Nicolas Cage is as wooden as ever. Cage generally has the same acting style in every film, but certain films (like this one) bring his lack of range to light. The main kid's attempt at crying toward the end is beyond laughable. Knowing is definitely Alex Proyas' weakest effort to date. If you feel the need to watch Nicolas Cage run around aimlessly for two hours, at least wait until the film is on the 99 cent shelf at your local rental store.

Push (2009)

Push (2009)

Directed by: Paul McGuigan
Screenplay by: David Bourla

Genre: Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 111 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

One push can change everything.

[IMDb]

Comments: Ever since I purchased another Xbox 360 (as the last one crapped out on me) earlier this week, my movie watching has gone way, way down. Thus, it took me three nights to watch Paul McGuigan's Push. While I enjoyed the film, I probably would have either liked it more or noticed some glaring issue with the film if I had watched it in one viewing. As it stands, Push is a visually entertaining superhero film that lacked any real punch until the final few scenes. I enjoyed Chris Evans as well. Even though he's known primarily for being The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four films, he's had some good roles in Sunshine and Street Kings, two films I enjoyed. Anyway, I would like to revisit the film sometime in the future and watch it the whole way through in one sitting, but for now, it's an enjoyable superhero flick.

Public Enemies (2009)

Public Enemies (2009)

Directed by: Michael Mann
Screenplay by: Ronan Bennett, Michael Mann, and Ann Biderman

Genre: Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 140 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

[IMDb]

Comments: Public Enemies has been one of my most anticipated films, which probably explains why I didn't enjoy Michael Mann's latest as much as I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, the film is well-made, well-acted, and well-directed; I just felt the film lacked any real energy. Toward the end, we were treated to some tense and exciting scenes. However, many of John Dillinger's early heist scenes were down without much flair (which was probably very true-to-life), but it left me wanting more. Perhaps I simply wasn't in the mood to watch the film. Maybe when the DVD comes out, I will think Public Enemies is cinematic genius (I do love most of Mann's work). Either way, today I found the film to be good, not great. I do look forward to revisiting it when it's released on DVD though.

Red (2008)

Red (2008)

Directed by: Trygve Allister Diesen and Lucky McKee
Screenplay by: Stephen Susco

Genre: Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

They should have told the truth.

[IMDb]

Comments: Red surprised me a bit, as I was expecting more of a horror/exploitation feel to the proceedings. The film is based on a novel by Jack Ketchum (The Girl Next Door, The Lost), which tells the story of a lone man (Brian Cox) who's dog is senselessly murdered by a few teens. Since this is a Ketchum novel, I expected Cox to go apeshit on the kids. Instead, Red is much more of a traditional drama, with Cox searching for justice through very conventional ways, which leads up to the climax. The biggest head-scratcher was the decision to cast Tom Sizemore in the film. The man is a wretched actor, and continuously overacted in every scene he was in. But Brian Cox was on top of his game (as always), and was the real saving grace in terms of the actors involved. Red is a solid independent film, and it is definitely worth a view.