The Bank Job (2008)

The Bank Job (2008)

Directed by: Roger Donaldson
Screenplay by: Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

Genre: Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 111 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

The true story of a heist gone wrong... in all the right ways.

[IMDb]

Comments: Ocean's Eleven this ain't, what with all the torture and killing and such, but that doesn't stop The Bank Job from being a damn entertaining movie. I've wanted to watch this for the longest time - I've owned the DVD for years and never watched it - and it finally struck my fancy today when glancing through my collection (I picked up the Blu-ray for $5 a few months ago). The film's certainly not perfect, and there's a few aspects that I felt didn't fit quite right (Jason Statham's infidelity, for one), but overall The Bank Job was a good time. And on that note, good night.

The Muppets (2011)

The Muppets (2011)

Directed by: James Bobin
Screenplay by: Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller

Genre: Comedy | Drama | Family | Musical
Running Time: 103 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

They're closer than you think.

[IMDb]

Comments: This was pretty damn fun. I never watched the Muppets all that much when I was a child (save for the Muppet Babies cartoon that aired in the late '80s), but all of the positive press the film received made me really want to check the film out. After returning the first copy I bought due to a cracked disc, I sat down and watched The Muppets this afternoon and had a great time. While I imagine if I had watched The Muppet Show or the subsequent movies back in the day I'd have enjoyed the film a little bit more, but even as a stand-alone The Muppets is great and worth a watch. Wocka wocka.

Lake Mungo (2008)

Lake Mungo (2008)

Directed by: Joel Anderson
Screenplay by: Joel Anderson

Genre: Drama | Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 87 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: FEARnet On Demand

If you've never seen a ghost... look closer.

[IMDb]

Comments: I had read a few good things about Lake Mungo, one of the installments from the fourth Films to Die For series. Those all tend to be hit-or-miss (though the only other film from the fourth series I've seen, Zombies of Mass Destruction, was rather good), but Lake Mungo had its share of solid reviews online, so I always kept my eye out for it, though I never got around to picking it up. Luckily, I noticed the film was listed on FEARnet's On Demand listings (in HD no less, and despite the fact that I don't even get the channel), so I decided to give 'er a shot today.

Lake Mungo was waaaayyy different than what I was expecting. I knew the film was a ghost story, and that was all, so I expected your typical B-grade horror flick. What I got was a cross between Paranormal Activity and a Friday night episode of Dateline. And I'm not complaining, as the film was an interesting and well-made "mockumentary." It certainly would've helped to know this going in, mainly because I wasn't into the film for the first twenty minutes or so. However, I was soon hooked and all was well.

While Lake Mungo's not great, it's certainly worth a watch - especially for horror fans looking for something a bit different.

Hitch-Hike (1977)

Hitch-Hike (1977)

Directed by: Pasquale Festa Campanile
Screenplay by: Ottavio Jemma, Aldo Crudo, and Pasquale Festa
  Campanile

Genre: Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 104 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: I think I would've liked Hitch-Hike a lot more had it not been so mean spirited. That sounds weird coming from me as I generally like some nasty over-the-top shit. However, the way this film was playing out, I just expected something a little different than what I got. Franco Nero and Corinne Cléry star as a husband and wife returning from a camping/hunting trip. Nero plays an alcoholic asshole, who has little to no redeeming factors. Along comes David Hess (Mr. Krug Stillo himself), a dangerous bank robber on the run who takes the couple hostage, using them to escape to Mexico.

The way I expected the film to play out was for Nero to have a revelation and realize the error of his ways. There's this great scene toward the end of the film where Hess is raping Cléry (that's not the great part), and Nero, who is tied up, has this distraught yet angry look on his face; it's great. You just feel that he is going to avenge his wife and be the hero. Yet, as the film goes on, Nero just becomes more and more of an asshole. This, in turn, ends up being the whole point of the film, which sort of bummed me out.

However, the real star of Hitch-Hike is David Hess. He's the fucking man and is great in this film. Hess has been pretty damn funny in every interview I've watched; I was disappointed when I heard he passed away last year. I've only seen three of his films, and he's essentially the same character in all of them (this, The Last House on the Left, and House on the Edge of the Park), but I'll be damned if he wasn't the best thing about all of them. Rest in peace you glorious bastard.

Also Known As: Autostop Rosso Sangue

The Curse of Blanchard Hill (2006)

The Curse of Blanchard Hill (2006)

Directed by: Chris Hazenberg and Zach Klinefelter
Screenplay by: Zach Klinefelter

Genre: Comedy | Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 74 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Family Video

Raped by nature.

[IMDb]

Comments: So my buddy and I decided to have a good old fashioned shitty horror movie night. While we were perusing our local rental store, a little film called The Curse of Blanchard Hill stood out at us. Why? Raped by nature. What a fucking tagline. How could you turn down a film like that?

I honestly don't know how Chris Hazenberg and Zach Klinefelter can look at this film and want other people to see it. I would be so unbelievably embarrassed. (And why a company, even a low budget horror company, would want to distribute this is beyond me.) The Curse of Blanchard Hill is so excruciatingly awful that it's not even funny. When it tries to be a horror film, it fails. When it tries to be a comedy, it fails. It looks like it was shot with someone's old VHS camcorder. All of the actors have to be friends of the directors, because they're not professionals - that's for sure. Everything about this movie is just... bad. (Don't get me wrong, either - when I rent a film like this, I never expect Oscar-caliber acting, expensive setpieces, or even a halfway decent movie. But I expect to like something about the film, or at least be partially entertained.)

To be honest, I had a lot more in my head that I wanted to write about The Curse of Blanchard Hill, but it's about twenty-four hours later now, and I just don't have the same eagerness to rip into the film now. (I'm also a little bummed because we also rented The Devil's Rock, a film I really wanted to see, but only ended up watching about thirty minutes before we tuckered out. What? I'm an old bastard now. A few more months and I'll officially be in my "late" twenties.) Anyway, I strongly recommend watching The Curse of Blanchard Hill if you're looking for a shitty horror movie night. You certainly can't get much shittier.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Directed by: David Yates
Screenplay by: Michael Goldenberg

Genre: Adventure | Family | Fantasy | Mystery
Running Time: 138 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

The rebellion begins.

[IMDb]

Comments: Granted, I said Sunday that I wasn't going to watch the fifth in the Harry Potter series, but once I got home from work Monday, I had nothing better to do. (I've done a good job so far this year of keeping up-to-date on my DVR, which helps too.) The Order of the Phoenix stretches the streak of really solid Potter films to three-in-a-row now, as I really enjoyed myself here. While there's moments of silliness and a little too much kid-friendliness at times, the film is engaging and entertaining. I've worked my way through five films now, and the series is pretty much where I envisioned it: good, but not great; engaging, but not addictive. Still, I know I'll get to the final three shortly, and it'll be fun.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Directed by: Mike Newell
Screenplay by: Steve Kloves

Genre: Adventure | Family | Fantasy | Mystery
Running Time: 157 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Dark and difficult times lie ahead.

[IMDb]

Comments: I had originally planned to watch all of the Harry Potter films in a row, but after three straight I was a little burned out on our little wizard wunderkind. For whatever reason, I decided to throw in the fourth film this evening. Whether it was the break I took or simply the fact that The Goblet of Fire is a good film, I must say that I really enjoyed myself. This film, along with The Prisoner of Azkaban, are solid efforts and have me excited to see where the series goes. I don't know if I'll be diving into The Order of the Phoenix right away, but I am looking forward to it. An odd statement, I know, but it is what it is.

Also, it was really bizarre that Team Edward was in this. I didn't know that beforehand.

Game of Thrones - Season One (2011)

Game of Thrones (2011-????)

Created by: David Benioff and D. B. Weiss

Season: One (2011)
Genre: Adventure | Drama | Fantasy
Number of Episodes: 10
Episode Running Time: 60 Minutes
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Winter is coming.

[IMDb]

Comments: I really didn't care much about Game of Thrones until a few weeks ago, when all of a sudden I decided I was going to buy the first season on release day and dive right in. I have no clue why I did this, or how my interest was suddenly cultivated, but I'm glad I did/it was. Game of Thrones rules.

- I'll get this out of the way first: I love me some Emilia Clarke (who plays Daenerys Targaryen). She's just... yeah.

- All of the acting was great, but Peter Dinklage stole the show in whatever scene he was in. It's hard for actors of a "small stature" to be taken seriously at times, but Dinklage commands respect every time he's onscreen.

- The showrunners did a great job in casting Prince Joffrey. I haven't hated a TV character like him since Penny Johnson Jerald in the early years of 24.

- The plot was a little too fantasy driven at times for my taste - especially later on - but only because the first several episodes are so grounded in reality (sans the white walkers). By the end, there's zombies and dragons and black magic (all of which are fucking awesome, don't get me wrong), but they all feel out of place from what occurred over the majority of the first season.

- I know most people were happy with how the first season followed the book, but it made for a generally lackluster finale (particularly for someone who hasn't read the books). I felt like the show was building up to this gigantic war, but then the season just kind of ends (at least it ended on a good note, with a healthy dose of Emilia Clarke nudity).

- Game of Thrones is awesome. I'm saddened that I don't have HBO to watch the Season Two premiere in three weeks, and I'm even sadder thinking I'll have to wait until next March (?) for the show to be released on Blu-ray. I know there's 'alternative methods,' but fuck that. Maybe I'll buy the episodes on Amazon...

Act of Valor (2012)

Act of Valor (2012)

Directed by: Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh
Screenplay by: Kurt Johnstad

Genre: Action | Adventure | Thriller
Running Time: 110 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

The only easy day was yesterday.

[IMDb]

Comments: Act of Valor is a film I had zero interest in seeing. However, I'm in my hometown this weekend due to a doctor's appointment I have early Monday morning, and my mother and grandmother were going out to watch the film this afternoon. I had nothing at all to do, so I had one of those "oh, what the fuck" moments and tagged along. All I was hoping for was a movie without a preachy message, and for the most part it wasn't.

- The best parts of the film are without a doubt the action sequences. The first "big" action scene where the Seals are on a rescue mission was awesome, and worth the price of admission alone. Unfortunately, it was all downhill from there.

- The "acting" was terrible, cliched, and boring. Act of Valor also features the most laughably bad interrogation scene I've ever seen. Picture the craziest Jack Bauer moment (I like to think of that one time when he shot the bad guy's completely innocent wife in the leg to prove a point) and just flip it 180 degrees. The baddie in the film wilts under the silliest threat of being treated humanely and his family being left alone.

- I think what really annoyed me most was that the film is generally a recruitment video for the Navy, yet the entire movie plays out like a two hour Call of Duty gaming session. From the graphics to the first person shots during the action sequences, I found it all a bit shitty. Granted, I know it's difficult this day and age to recruit for the military, and if they want to take all the shitheads that I used to play against when I played COD back in the day, then I'm all for it.

- There's also some heavy-handed bullshit toward the end of the film designed to reel the audience in (and piss off those who know better). It pissed me off.

- Despite my complaints, I do think it's important to remind the general population of the sacrifices people make to keep our country safe. Sure, a lot of people don't agree with the wars we've been fighting, but there's so much more that the military does that people are unaware of. The problem is that tributes like this require a certain amount of skill and craftsmanship so they don't come off false, and Act of Valor is mostly devoid of this. The action scenes are the only thing worthwhile about the film, and as result, I was really unimpressed overall. Pass.

Zombies of Mass Destruction (2009)

Zombies of Mass Destruction (2009)

Directed by: Kevin Hamedani
Screenplay by: Ramon Isao and Kevin Hamedani

Genre: Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 89 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

They're just like you... only dead.

[IMDb]

Comments: A buddy of mine at work has been on me to watch Zombies of Mass Destruction for some time. He was adamant that the movie itself wasn't the greatest, rather it was really funny and that made it better than it had any right to be. And I pretty much agree with him.

The main problem with Zombies of Mass Destruction is that behind all of the humor and violence, there's a definite agenda to show the audience how stupid right wing extremists can be. The main characters are an Iranian chick and a gay couple, so you can see where I'm going with this (plus the zombie outbreak is blamed on terrorists, so you can really see where I'm going with this). Granted, a lot of the humor comes from the confrontations between the main characters and redneck hicks, but director Kevin Hamedani takes things a bit too far and starts bashing the audience over the head with his opinions. The occasional jab here and there (aka subtlety) would have worked a lot better.

Beyond that, however, I enjoyed the shit out of Zombies of Mass Destruction. I legit laughed at a number of scenes, and the over-the-top gore was a nice touch. It's not something I'd urge horror fans to rush out and watch, but it certainly won't be a let down if you happen to select this film on Netflix some afternoon. That's my sound advice for the day.

Ghost Ship (2002)

Ghost Ship (2002)

Directed by: Steve Beck
Screenplay by: Mark Hanlon and John Pogue

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 91 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Sea evil.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm not quite sure why, but for some strange reason I've always wanted to watch Ghost Ship. The film's nothing special, but it was entertaining enough for the most part (as usual, once they start explaining everything, it goes way downhill). The dialogue (and by extension, the acting) leaves a lot to be desired, especially with a number of decent actors included (Julianna Margulies, Gabriel Byrne, and Karl Urban, to name a few). All of the characters are variations of horror cliches, but the abandoned boat provides an interesting setting - plus there's that hot naked Italian chick, so I guess there were a few positives... but not many.

District B13 (2004)

District B13 (2004)

Directed by: Pierre Morel
Screenplay by: Luc Besson and Bibi Naceri

Genre: Action | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 84 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Welcome to District B13. Welcome to the future.

[IMDb]

Comments: This was really fun.

- I have no idea why the IMDb classifies this film as science fiction, unless they believe that white dudes doing those moves must be of extraterrestrial origin, but whatever.

- District B13 made me want to bounce around on my couch and recliner doing sweet parkour moves. (I didn't.)

- This movie has the great honor of being the first film I watched on my new Vizio 47" LCD 120Hz TV (I've upgraded from a Samsung 26" - let's just say the difference is slightly noticeable). I'm much more of "I'd rather just watch the movie" guy than a "I need the best equipment possible to watch a movie" guy (I'll have to explain the ghetto-rigged sound system I have sometime), but having this new, bigger TV is FUCKING AWESOME.

- District B13 is a good time. The action is streets ahead (Community joke) of anything else in the film, such as the acting and storyline, but it really works as a whole. I don't have the sequel, but I think I'll have to search around and pick it up soon. It will probably suck ass, but whatever.

Also Known As: Banlieue 13