The Virgin Spring (1960)

The Virgin Spring (1960)

Directed by: Ingmar Bergman
Screenplay by: Ulla Isaksson

Genre: Crime | Drama
Running Time: 89 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: IFC

[IMDb]

Comments: The first time I heard of Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring was when I read that is was the influence for Wes Craven's The Last House on the Left. While I was unimpressed with Last House (the remake was one of the few that was better than the original), I did enjoy The Virgin Spring immensely. The film is about as highly praised as you can get, garnering four-star (out of four) reviews everywhere you look. However, while I enjoyed the film, I felt parts were overly rushed and the film wasn't emotional as it could have been, but then again I guess it was rather controversial for its time, which is probably why the film isn't as effective on someone like me. I definitely recommend The Virgin Spring, and even if you don't want to drop $30 on the Criterion Collection DVD, it is on IFC from time to time, which is great.

Also Known As: Jungfrukällan

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Directed by: F. Gary Gray
Screenplay by: Kurt Wimmer

Genre: Crime | Drama | Thriller
Running Time: 109 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

The system must pay.

[IMDb]

Comments: The moment I saw the trailer for Law Abiding Citizen, one thing popped to mind: this will make a great rental. However, it's a rainy afternoon and I had nothing better to do, so it came down to a toss up between this and Where the Wild Things Are, and sadly I chose Law Abiding Citizen. It's not a horrible film, but it's completely unrealistic. The other main problem is the movie lacks a true main character to root for. Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler share screen time, and both have their reasons for the audience to cheer for them at the beginning. Soon enough, though, Butler starts murdering everyone, and thus I expected him to be portrayed as a villain. However, he is still shown by F. Gary Gray in a sympathetic light. I won't lie, I was cheering for Butler the entire time and wanted him to fucking kill everyone. But I'm a little off-center, and therefore I like when people get fucked up (in movies, mind you). Law Abiding Citizen is a terrific film to rent, and not much more. It's way too over-the-top to be a serious piece of filmmaking, but you'll definitely be entertained in the end.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Directed by: Michael Bay
Screenplay by: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

Genre: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 150 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned DVD

Revenge is coming.

[IMDb]

Comments: In all honesty, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a rather bad film (woah, big revelation there!). It has a fucking ton of inconsistencies relating to both the first film and real life (not just the giant alien robots). There's no real characters or even chemistry between them, they're merely all action movie clichés. Michael Bay re-uses every slow motion scene from Armageddon, but in that movie, as unrealistic as it was, there was at least some developed characters that the audience sympathized with. During the entire movie, Megan Fox begs Shia LaBeouf to tell her that he loves her, but I couldn't have cared less as about three minutes of the film was dedicated to their interaction (not counting the thirty minutes where they ran away from everything). Still, I was mildly entertained by Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The humor is what works best, particularly Jetfire, the old Transformer. This line, which I will end the review on because I'm sick of talking about the movie, actually made me laugh out loud: "I have issues of my own. And it started with my mother! My ancestors have been here for centuries. My father, he was a wheel, the first wheel. Do you know what he tranformed into? Nothing!"

Transformers (2007)

Transformers (2007)

Directed by: Michael Bay
Screenplay by: Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

Genre: Action | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 144 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned DVD

Their war. Our world.

[IMDb]

Comments: I loved Transformers as a kid. I can remember renting the same VHS tapes over and over again. I had all of the toys and was a devout fan. But Transformers wasn't a lasting interest, like Ghostbusters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I eventually moved on. When I learned that it was being turned into a film, I wasn't too excited; with the exception of the massive robot battles, the whole story didn't lend itself well to a real life feature. I watched the movie once before, and watching it again now, that is still my main complaint. The entire Transformers "mythos" is really bizarre, and the film is so much better before they start explaining everything. I realize that the whole story is based off of '80s toys and cartoons (which I really can't remember at all), but it all just transfers poorly to a modern-day audience (then again, if they changed it, all hell would break loose). The first half of the film is rather well done; Michael Bay knows how to make an entertaining movie (despite popular opinion). But, like I mentioned, the second half takes Transformers down a notch. I have a feeling the sequel will be much like the second half of the film, so I guess we'll see. On to number two...

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Directed by: Oren Peli
Screenplay by: Oren Peli

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 86 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

Don't see it alone.

[IMDb]

Comments: There are movies that are made for theaters; Paranormal Activity is the kind of movie suited for a December night at home alone. In theaters, you're inevitably going to run into the jackasses that scream entirely too much or are just assholes in general, thus ruining the entire effect of the film. These assholes always seem to sit by me. Paranormal Activity is a solid film that's definitely creepy, but only if you're able to become completely enveloped in the film. The ending, while effective, unfortunately takes the "realism" out of the film and turns it into a standard Hollywood horror film (thanks Steven Spielberg!). However, the original ending (you can watch it here) isn't all that special either, so I guess it's a toss up as to which one you like better. After considering it for all of thirteen seconds (I literally just watched the original ending in the midst of writing this review), I like the Spielberg version a bit better. However, the best first-person horror film ending still goes to The Blair Witch Project. Anyway, I definitely recommend Paranormal Activity, but save it for the home theater. It'll be much more effective that way.

Tower of Evil (1972)

Tower of Evil (1972)

Directed by: Jim O'Connolly
Screenplay by: Jim O'Connolly

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 89 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

They came, they saw, they died!

[IMDb]

Comments: While perusing around Saturday Matinee on Tuesday (OK, I was going to buy the 2-disc steelbook of Transformers 2, fucking sue me!), I came upon a number of TV shows and boxed sets for sale. Normally, Saturday Matinee's prices leave a bit to be desired, but you can generally find some good deals if you know what to look for. Anyway, I found the four-disc British Horror Collection marked down to $9.99 (it was originally $49.99), so I decided to pick 'er up. I hadn't heard of any of the films before, but I decided to watch Tower of Evil first based solely on the fact that "extensive female nudity" was listed in the plot keywords on IMDb. There isn't. However, I was surprised that Tower of Evil was a pretty decent film. It's nothing memorable, but it's solidly put together and mildly entertaining. There's no real horror, and everything looks like it was shot on a set, but the actors and script are competent enough. I am rather interested in two other films from the set, Inseminoid (which just sounds fucking awesome) and Horror Hospital, so I'm going to try to watch those soon as well amidst all of the other new crap I have to watch (hello Transformers!).

The Brothers Bloom (2008)

The Brothers Bloom (2008)

Directed by: Rian Johnson
Screenplay by: Rian Johnson

Genre: Adventure | Comedy | Crime | Drama | Romance
Running Time: 114 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

They'd never let the truth come between them .

[IMDb]

Comments: I tried really hard to get into Rian Johnson's The Brothers Bloom. But sadly, it took me three days to finish the film. I loved Johnson's Brick (that sounds dirty), and I expected to really like Bloom. However, while I didn't find anything wrong with it, I could never fully immerse myself in the film. The script is relatively well constructed with equal amounts of humor and drama, but the capers nor the characters are charismatic enough to truly envelop me in the story. I'm sure I'll buy the DVD when it's used for $5, so maybe my opinion may change down the line when I can experience The Brothers Bloom in one sitting. As for now, Rachel Weisz' bum is probably the high point in the film for me.

Pontypool (2008)

Pontypool (2008)

Directed by: Bruce McDonald
Screenplay by: Tony Burgess

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 96 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Shut up or die.

[IMDb]

Comments: I was fairly excited to watch Pontypool. When Zombieland was released, Entertainment Weekly counted down the best zombie films (it was a rather horrible list, but that's not the point) and they listed Pontypool as one of the best new zombie films. The premise was rather interesting: a virus spread through words. The film had great ratings on both the IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes. So why only two stars? Because it was the most uninteresting zombie film I've ever seen. The lead actor, Stephen McHattie, is a "shock jock," so things begin in a radio station. AND THEY NEVER LEAVE. Everything that happens is described by people calling into the radio station. The entire "virus spread through words" scenario is just as ridiculous as its "cure." I was also very disappointed in the script. There are a number of inconsistencies, and to prevent further ranting, I'm not going to go on about them. It didn't surprise me that Pontypool is also a radio play, because it's not difficult to describe what's going on. Because nothing is generally fucking going on. I was very disappointed in Pontypool, to say the least.

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Directed by: Sam Raimi
Screenplay by: Sam Raimi and Ivan Raimi

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 99 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Even nice people can go to hell.

[IMDb]

Comments: I really wanted to like Drag Me to Hell more. The film was received well, and I've always enjoyed Sam Raimi. Drag Me to Hell really reminded me of Raimi's Evil Dead films, as the humor throughout combined with the editing and camerawork brought back the director's pre-Spider-Man days. However, I couldn't really get into the film. I found Alison Lohman's performance to be rather bad, as she acted and sounded like Drew Barrymore, which is never a good thing. I'm also not sure if this was intentional, but the CGI is horrible and the dead body used for Mrs. Ganush is extremely fake-looking. The humor worked well at times, but was somewhat childish at other times. All in all, it's really nice to see Sam Raimi return to his roots. However, I just couldn't get into the film or Lohman's character. If you're a die-hard Raimi fan, I can see you loving Drag Me to Hell. Otherwise, it's a nice rental.

Assassination of a High School President (2008)

Assassination of a High School President (2008)

Directed by: Brett Simon
Screenplay by: Tim Calpin and Kevin Jakubowski

Genre: Comedy | Crime
Running Time: 93 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Politics, popularity, paranoia, pharmaceuticals. Are you in?

[IMDb]

Comments: The first time I heard about Assassination of a High School President was when I read that Mischa Barton would be baring her breasts in the film. I was immediately interested in the scene, and immediately wrote off the film. Barton's never been a great actress, and she seems to have become a drug-addled mess. Imagine my surprise when her nude scene is virtually worthless (see Closing the Ring for the good stuff), yet Assassination of a High School President is a pretty kick-ass film. I was often reminded of a more comical version Rian Johnson's Brick. It's got that old-school film noir vibe in a contemporary setting. Even though the film mostly aims for laughs, there is some drama, but it's almost all presented with a comical edge. Bruce Willis' character is a bit over-the top, but he's genuinely funny at times. It's nice to see him do a smaller indie film once in a while. Assassination of a High School President really surprised me, so I definitely recommend this one. And if you don't like it, at least you'll get a quick tit-shot of Mischa's boobies.

State of Play (2009)

State of Play (2009)

Directed by: Kevin Macdonald
Screenplay by: Matthew Michael Carnahan, Tony Gilroy, and Billy Ray

Genre: Drama | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 127 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Find the truth.

[IMDb]

Comments: State of Play was one of the best films I've watched recently. I had watched so much horror that I yearned for something a little different this weekend (see: Observe and Report). I was hooked pretty much from the beginning, as the cast shines throughout the film (yes, even Ben Affleck, whom I have new-found respect for after he made Gone Baby Gone). Russell Crowe is charismatic as always, and he works well with Rachel McAdams as his partner. My only real complaint was that the end got a bit too twist-heavy. Just as soon as I thought the film had fully unraveled, another layer is peeled back, which made the film feel a bit too manufactured. Otherwise, State of Play is a solid and engaging thriller that's worth your time.

Deadgirl (2008)

Deadgirl (2008)

Directed by: Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel
Screenplay by: Trent Haaga

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 101 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

You never forget your first time.

[IMDb]

Comments: Deadgirl was certainly one of the more interesting films I've seen in awhile, and it's also one of most well-made too. The story centers on two high school outcasts that find a girl tied up in an abandoned mental institution. The one sees this as an opportunity to have a "play toy," while the other has more than a few reservations. While Deadgirl is categorized as a horror film, it's mostly a drama until the final 10 minutes or so. It also has a very indie feel, with the music and camerawork resembling many independent features. Deadgirl has such underlying sadness that really works well with the sick and twisted nature of the film. While Deadgirl is definitely not a film for everyone, it is both intriguing and well-made. I definitely recommend it to those looking for something a little outside of the box.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

Directed by: Steve Carr
Screenplay by: Kevin James and Nick Bakay

Genre: Action | Comedy | Crime | Family
Running Time: 91 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG
Viewed: Starz On Demand

Safety never takes a holiday.

[IMDb]

Comments: While Paul Blart: Mall Cop isn't exactly the type of film I usually watch, I (secretly) wanted to watch the film even though I knew that it wouldn't be very good. I simply identified with Kevin James' character, as I too am generally a blubbering idiot who could see being a security guard in the future (well, at least a couple years ago I could). Anyway, the script is beyond ridiculous, but that was obvious going in. Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a good family film that has its comedic moments as well. I can see most film aficionados hating the film, and I would have as well if I didn't like and identify with Kevin James' character. What more can I say?

Observe and Report (2009)

Observe and Report (2009)

Directed by: Jody Hill
Screenplay by: Jody Hill

Genre: Action | Comedy | Crime | Drama
Running Time: 86 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Rental DVD - Blockbuster

Right now, the world needs a hero.

[IMDb]

Comments: Well. My first thought after finishing Observe and Report was what people who were expecting another Seth Rogen mainstream comedy thought about the film. I knew it was going to be, shall we say, a different type of comedy film (I am familiar with Jody Hill's great Eastbound and Down show). But Observe and Report is one bizarre-ass movie. I was unimpressed by the first 30 minutes, as most of the characters were generally unlikeable, but it tends to become more involving after that. Any scene where Seth Rogen beats the shit out of people was pretty funny, and probably the best parts of the film. However, Rogen gets shit on by everyone after that and we are theoretically supposed to feel bad for him. And while I did somewhat, it was hard because his character was so unsympathetic and generally a dick through most of the film. The ending was pretty hysterical, but I'm not quite sure why everyone accepted it as they did. Overall, Observe and Report is a wildly uneven film. There's some decent comedy as well as some decent drama, but it's not enough to pull the film together in the end. I'm glad I rented this one as I almost dropped $20 on it the other day.

The Christmas Tale (2005)

The Christmas Tale (2005)

Directed by: Paco Plaza
Screenplay by: Luis Berdejo

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 71 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Owned DVD

The children are going to be without gifts.

[IMDb]

Comments: The Christmas Tale is the second film I've watched from Lionsgate's Films to Keep You Awake set (the other being The Baby's Room), which is basically a Spanish Masters of Horror-type deal. However, I've completely enjoyed both of the Films to Keep You Awake offerings whereas I haven't enjoyed the Masters of Horror as much. The Christmas Tale is an entertaining kid-centered horror flick, like The Monster Squad or something of the nature. The kids make the movie fun (even though they can be a bit cruel at times); the best is definitely the boy that wants to be the Karate Kid. Who didn't want to be the Karate Kid when they were little (I think I wanted to be in the 3 Ninjas more, though)? I was a little upset by the film's second ending, as it was a bit of a downer. I felt the film ended perfectly five minutes earlier on a happier note. Otherwise, the Films to Keep You Awake set I picked up seems to be worth the watch. I've enjoyed the films so far; hopefully the remaining four will be just as good.

Also Known As: Películas Para No Dormir: Cuento de Navidad

[•REC] (2007)

[•REC] (2007)

Directed by: Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza
Screenplay by: Jaume Balagueró, Luis Berdejo, and Paco Plaza

Genre: Drama | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 75 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

One witness. One camera.

[IMDb]

Comments: I was just going to recycle an old review from last year when I first watched [•REC] (online, because it hadn't come out on DVD yet). However, when reading back through it, I don't use any profanity, which I now try to incorporate in all my reviews to show that I have both class and dignity, and for half of the review I yammered on about was how I excited I was to see Quarantine. Hey, I can't always pick winners. As for [•REC], it's one hell of an exciting film. It's really short, which just adds to the quick pace and hurried nature of the film. This one ain't about character development, folks. But it is unquestionably entertaining. My only complaint watching the film the second time around was that it had lost all of its creepiness. I jumped a few times during my original viewing, and was definitely tense during some scenes. But upon watching it again, the film lost most of its effect. However, [•REC] is still a top-notch film, and one that every horror fan should watch, for fuck's sake.

Jenifer (2005)

Jenifer (2005)

Directed by: Dario Argento
Screenplay by: Steven Weber

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 58 Minutes
MPAA Rating: TV-MA
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: This is only the second or third episode of the Masters of Horror television show I've seen (I treat them as films when I write up reviews because I don't have the full seasons and they're basically all short films anyway). I was pretty excited to watch this one, as it was directed by Dario Argento and scored by the guy from Goblin. But it was the story that shat on everything. Besides being entirely predictable (it played out like some low-rent made-for-TV movie, which is exactly what it is), it made little sense to me. I'm not exactly sure how this nasty-looking freak, despite the "great rack," manages to ruin the main guy's life. The story leads us to believe that her sexual persuasion is what holds power over guys, but I'm not sure how he manages to hold down his lunch while looking at her (especially after he's caught her eating the intestines of both the cat and the little girl next door). Jenifer is a strange little film, and one that should always be left on the small screen.

Last House on the Beach (1978)

Last House on the Beach (1978)

Directed by: Franco Prosperi
Screenplay by: Romano Migliorini and Gianbattista Mussetto

Genre: Drama | Thriller | Horror
Running Time: 86 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: Every year around Halloween I always buy a shitload of horror movies during various retailers' online sales. Usually I put some thought into what I get, but this year I added a few things without really doing any research. And Last House on the Beach is what I get. I read that it was a "pretty nasty" and "brutal" film, but in reality it was fairly tame and hardly exploitative. Granted, I've seen a lot of nasty horror films, so my senses are largely dulled, but Last House on the Beach doesn't really delve into the "nasty" territory (for the most part). The only really nasty scene is where the chick is violated by a large tree branch. Otherwise, during many of the exploitation-esque scenes, we either get cuts away from the action or close-ups of people's faces. Lame. I can't say I'm all that glad I spent $10 on this one.

Also Known As: La Settima Donna, The Seventh Woman

Mulberry Street (2006)

Mulberry Street (2006)

Directed by: Jim Mickle
Screenplay by: Nick Damici and Jim Mickle

Genre: Action | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 84 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

The neighborhood is changing...

[IMDb]

Comments: The After Dark Horrorfest is often a mixed bag in terms of quality films. Most of the time they're not all that great, but sometimes there's a really good film among them (The Abandoned and Frontier(s) jump to mind). Mulberry Street can now be counted amongst them. While the film has no budget, it's amazing how well shot and directed it is. The character development is beyond excellent, and considering it's more or less a zombie film, that alone is impressive in it's own right. The only real problem I had with the film were the "zombies" themselves. It seems that some unhealthy rats have been biting people, thus spreading the virus which turns people into flesh-eating... rat-zombies. I'm cool with people's bodies degrading after contracting the virus, but the fact that their faces started turning into rat heads was a bit too much. Normally, I'd simply ignore it but the film had such a serious mood and tone that the rat-zombies took it a step over the edge. Otherwise, Mulberry Street was a pleasant surprise, and one of the better zombie films I've seen in awhile. Definitely recommended.

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

Directed by: Rob Zombie
Screenplay by: Rob Zombie

Genre: Crime | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 109 Minutes (Unrated Cut)
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Death walks behind. Hell waits ahead.

[IMDb]

Comments: To cap off my mini-Zombie marathon, I watched his best film, The Devil's Rejects. Normally, I'd be bitching about the total lack of continuity between this film and House of 1000 Corpses. Numerous characters are never mentioned, and the whole set looks like it was moved into the deep south (I realize that both films are set in Texas, but it rained through much of Corpses whereas the dryness and desert-like conditions are key elements in the look and feel of Rejects). However, this film is so kick-ass it's easy to overlook them. The Devil's Rejects is one of the best exploitation films released recently, and it really feels like something that could have been made in the '70s. All of the three leads are excellent, and I find it quite amusing how sympathetic they are portrayed despite being vicious and deranged killers. I also love how Zombie included various horror icons, including Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead and Michael Berryman from The Hills Have Eyes. I can't recommend The Devil's Rejects enough, but that's probably because I'm a sick man and I have a strange Sheri Moon Zombie fetish. But don't you want to be just like me?

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Directed by: Rob Zombie
Screenplay by: Rob Zombie

Genre: Adventure | Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 89 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

The most shocking tale of carnage ever seen.

[IMDb]

Comments: While Rob Zombie's debut film, House of 1000 Corpses, is no modern horror classic, it is an effectively entertaining horror flick. Zombie's a bit too stylized in this one, and the film is way too over-the-top to be really taken seriously (well, mostly Dr. Satan's underground lair in the last act of the film), but it's a nice homage to some older horror films as well as visually pleasing. It's no surprise that most of the things that made the film too off-the-wall were removed from the sequel. I hadn't planned on watching House of 1000 Corpses, but I needed to after hearing Sheri Moon Zombie voice Suzi X in The Haunted World of El Superbeasto. I love her in both of the Firefly films, although I understand those who feel she's annoying and a bit too much. But I don't. And that's all that matters. Because she's awesome.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

Directed by: Rob Zombie
Screenplay by: Tom Papa and Rob Zombie

Genre: Action | Animation | Comedy | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 77 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: First, let me say that I wholly support the live-action version of this film. To see Sheri Moon Zombie running around in all that glorious spandex (and less)... well, let's just agree that Rob Zombie is a lucky man (I even love her voice!). Add to that Rosario Dawson running around in a thong the entire time, and let me tell you, you've got the best film ever made on your hands right there. As for the animated version, I was taken aback at first, just because it's more of an adult Looney Tunes than an animated Rob Zombie film. But once I got adjusted to this, I did enjoy myself. There's nothing special about the film (despite the high number of animated breasts, which are apparently okay to jerk off to because the Japanese do it everyday), but I was both amused and entertained. The best part was without a doubt the musical numbers by the band Hard 'n Phirm, who apparently are a moderately successful comedy duo. One of the best was when Suzi X (Miss Moon Zombie) was being chased by Nazi zombies, and the band was playing a nice musical number simply describing everything going on ("holy shit she just jumped over that train!"). While The Haunted World of El Superbeasto isn't Zombie's best project, it's most certainly a fun way to spend an hour. I can see it being the kind of movie you watch with your friends while secretly ogling the animated boobs. And maybe discreetly pleasuring yourself, because that's alright. The Japanese do it every day.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Directed by: Dave Parker
Screenplay by: John Dombrow and David J. Schow

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 81 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Trespassers will be slaughtered.

[IMDb]

Comments: I was really looking forward to watching The Hills Run Red. I read a few reviews and what I mostly got out of them was that Sophie Monk was going to get naked and there was going to be some excellent bloodshed. Well, Sophie Monk did indeed get naked. And it was good. There was some bloodshed, but I never considered it to be an extremely graphic film (the gore is done well, but it's not done all that often). However, I found the plot to be completely ridiculous and annoying. The kid from one of the American Pie straight-to-DVD films is a huge horror fan, and wants to seek out the lost film, The Hills Run Red, of which no known prints exist. So he finds the daughter of the director (played by the lovely Sophie Monk), weens her from her cocaine/heroin addiction out the of the kindness of his heart, and proceeds to take her, his buddy, and his cheating girlfriend into the woods to find where the director shot the film and hopefully find a lost cut of the film. Luckily, after the boring introduction (minus Sophie Monk's cannons), this is where shit picks up. Unfortunately, this is where all the twists start rolling in, and where I started rolling my eyes. Perhaps in the future I will enjoy the film more, now that I know the plot is complete crap, and thus I will be watching more for the violence and things of that nature. But as for the first viewing, I was wholly unimpressed and unsatisfied. Even Sophie Monk's nudity couldn't save the film, as she just wasn't right for the role. Where's Woody Harrelson when you need him?

Zombieland (2009)

Zombieland (2009)

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer
Screenplay by: Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick

Genre: Action | Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 80 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Theater

This place is so dead.

[IMDb]

Comments: Zombieland is an extremely entertaining and surprisingly touching film. Jesse Eisenberg, who is apparently the new Michael Cera (and plays the role a bit better, if I do say), delivers a very funny and touching performance full of the nuances we've come to expect from him. Woody Harrelson is funny as well, and the main cast is rounded out by Jules from Superbad and Little Miss Sunshine (who has definitely grown up a bit). There's also a great cameo that I wouldn't want to spoil. There's not very much true "horror" in the film, as one review I read stated that the audience never really feels the cast is in all that much danger. It's much more of a strange road trip/comedy film. The entire middle section is almost completely devoid of zombies, which is a bit depressing if you're looking for zombie violence. However, despite the lack of zombies, Zombieland is a pretty bad ass and hugely entertaining film. The fact that it finished in number one on it's opening weekend is awesome, especially if it means we get to see some more off-center films in theaters (my theater only plays very mainstream films, but they've gotten both Pandorum and Zombieland recently). So, nut up or shut up.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Directed by: Tom McLoughlin
Screenplay by: Tom McLoughlin

Genre: Horror | Action | Thriller
Running Time: 86 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned DVD

Kill or be killed!

[IMDb]

Comments: Despite the fact that Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is a major step up from its predecessor, the film still leaves a lot to be desired. I'm not quite sure why I've grown so weary of the Friday the 13th series; I was always excited to begin the next Halloween film when I watched the series last month (even though I wasn't that fond of a few of the films). Perhaps its because the plots have been nearly identical in every film (there's at least some variation in the Halloween sequels), as a group of counselors/campers are bound to get decimated. Either way, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is one of the decent films in the series, but that's not saying much. I'm sure I'll get to the remaining films in the series sooner rather than later (I'll admit to being a little excited about Jason X, because, c'mon, he's in fucking space), but for now I'm going to move onto other horror-related things.