Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov
Screenplay by: Seth Grahame-Smith

Genre: Action | Fantasy | Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 105 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

President by day. Hunter by night.

[IMDb]

Comments: I feel as though I'm overrating this movie, but come on. It's Abraham Lincoln fighting fucking vampires.

- Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter really had a hard time finding a groove. At times the film felt like it was trying to be serious (well, as serious as it could be), but at other times it was balls-to-the-wall crazy. I can work with this style of crazy, but it has to be a cohesive film that sticks to its guns (à la Timur Bekmambetov's 2008 effort, Wanted). Good 'ol Abe is all over the map, and as a result never finds a groove.

- I have the original book and read about the first hundred pages (I'm not a dedicated reader and often just stop reading books in the middle if I'm not completely captivated). The tone of the book felt so much different than this fantasy film, which is strange considering the screenplay was written by the author, Seth Grahame-Smith. I liked the book (or at least, the beginning of the book) better.

- The special effects are just... no.

- All-in-all, I still enjoyed the film, (many) flaws and all. I think a more serious tone with less pizzazz and more grittiness would've served the material better. But in the end, it's still Abraham Lincoln fighting fucking vampires.

Once Upon a Time in Norway (2007)

Once Upon a Time in Norway (2007)

Directed by: Pål Aasdal and Martin Ledang

Genre: Documentary | Crime | Music
Running Time: 60 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: YouTube

The history of Mayhem and the rise of Norwegian Black Metal.

[IMDb]

Comments: While I've never been a huge black metal fan, I've always had a faint curiosity in the genre dating back to my teenage years. All of the crazy shit that went on in the early '90s in Norway is something I've known about, but never really got an in-depth knowledge of. Another (and likely better) documentary about the subject, Until the Light Takes Us, has been in my Netflix queue for awhile, but I heard about Once Upon a Time in Norway on a podcast I listened to earlier this week, and it was slow today... so I hypothetically may have watched this film this afternoon at work. Let's keep that between us.

Anyway, I wasn't thrilled with the documentary. While it's informative, it assumes the viewer has a somewhat working knowledge of black metal, and the content is presented about as dryly as possible (talking head after talking head after talking head...). However, because I didn't know much about the Mayhem story, I still found Once Upon a Time in Norway interesting enough to recommend it to those interested. And hey, it's free on YouTube and only an hour long. Can't go wrong there.

Vampire Circus (1972)

Vampire Circus (1972)

Directed by: Robert Young
Screenplay by: Judson Kinberg

Genre: Fantasy | Horror
Running Time: 88 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

The greatest blood-show on Earth!

[IMDb]

Comments: I really liked the style, story, and overall look of Hammer's 1972 effort, Vampire Circus. But at the same time, I was dreadfully bored during parts of the film. It feels incredibly dated at times, but the overall aesthetic worked. Chunks of the middle act just really drug, even though I was enjoying the film. Vampire Circus is a solid film, just one I don't think I'll be revisiting soon. Also, this is a really shitty and rambling review.

Hostel: Part II (2007)

Hostel: Part II (2007)

Directed by: Eli Roth
Screenplay by: Eli Roth

Genre: Horror
Running Time: 95 Minutes (Director's Cut)
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

[IMDb]

Comments: This was actually the first time I've ever watched Hostel: Part II. I'm not sure why it took so long, given my enjoyment of the original installment, but I was excited to finally catch up with it tonight. The film has less of a gritty feel than Hostel, and tends to fall more in the category of a horror comedy at times. Despite my disappointment in the lack of real terror, I found myself enjoying the overall story more this time around. Again, I'm sure that Hostel: Part II isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I certainly enjoyed the ninety minutes I spent here.

Hostel (2005)

Hostel (2005)

Directed by: Eli Roth
Screenplay by: Eli Roth

Genre: Horror | Thriller
Running Time: 94 Minutes (Director's Cut)
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Welcome to your worst nightmare.

[IMDb]

Comments: I've always really enjoyed Eli Roth's Hostel. While it's mainly dismissed for ushering in the "torture porn" era of American horror films (along with Saw), I've tended to think more of this violent little picture. Not that Hostel is high art by any means, but it's enjoyable as shit and simply a fun watch for mildly disturbed individuals such as myself. The one issue I had this time around was with the director's cut, as it was the first time I watched this version. It contains a new ending scene that is really dumb and not nearly as gratifying as the original. In fact, I had to go back and rewatch the original ending just to get the taste of stupidity out of my mouth. It's good that wasn't in the original cut. Regardless, I still like Hostel, so suck it.

Lovely Molly (2011)

Lovely Molly (2011)

Directed by: Eduardo Sánchez
Screenplay by: Eduardo Sánchez and Jamie Nash

Genre: Drama | Horror
Running Time: 99 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

[IMDb]

Comments: After watching The Blair Witch Project last night, it worked out well that one of the directors has a new film that just started streaming on Netflix, Lovely Molly. The movie is about a newlywed woman who (along with her husband) moves into the house she grew up in. She had been abused by her father, and her father/something worse seems intent on haunting the shit out of her... or so it seems. Lovely Molly certainly wasn't perfect, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't really enjoy myself. It's sufficiently creepy in scenes (particularly the first 20-30 minutes), and I dug the ending even if it's a culmination of things I've seen before. Either way, I was a fan of Eduardo Sánchez's recent effort. It's streaming now, so if you're interested I'd give it a look.

Safe (2012)

Safe (2012)

Directed by: Boaz Yakin
Screenplay by: Boaz Yakin

Genre: Action | Crime | Thriller
Running Time: 94 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

She has the code. He is the key.

[IMDb]

Comments: I had trouble finishing Safe. Not that there was anything wrong with it, mind you - I just happened to start watching it last Wednesday and fell asleep. Then I picked up again Thursday night and fell asleep again. I was gone for the weekend and busy with other crap yesterday (and by busy, I mean catching up on NCIS for today's premiere, watching the season premiere of Castle, and checking out Monday Night Football in between for good measure), so I didn't get around to it. I made a point to watch the film tonight, and I rewatched a good bit of what I'd seen last week to refresh my memory.

Despite the overwhelming ridiculousness at times, I quite enjoyed Safe. There's a few Jason Statham films that do nothing for me, but every once in awhile one reaches out and grabs me. Take, for instance, Transporter 2 - a film that out-sillies pretty much all other Statham joints. Yet it's one of my favorite of his action films. Safe works much in the same fashion: every time there's something that makes me rolls my eyes and think how stupid it is, here comes an awesome fight or action sequence. My attention shifts, and now instead of rolling my eyes I'm thinking how bad ass that last part was.

Safe's not going to to get much respect and will probably be in the $5 bin soon. But whatever, I liked it.

The Hunger Games (2012)

The Hunger Games (2012)

Directed by: Gary Ross
Screenplay by: Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins, and Billy Ray

Genre: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi
Running Time: 142 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

The world will be watching.

[IMDb]

Comments: This past weekend I picked up the Blu-ray of The Hunger Games. Why, you ask? Well, each major store had their own exclusive, and I'm a sucker for cool packaging, so I grabbed Target's three-disc edition. It's pretty nice looking. Secondly, despite me thinking this was a Twilight-infested blatant rip-off of the classic Battle Royale (which it generally was), the number of solid reviews the film received certainly peaked my interest.

To be fair, I liked The Hunger Games. It wasn't great, but it held my attention. The film certainly has its share of issues (namely the pacing, my overall give-a-shit level about the characters, and the hugely anti-climatic finale), and so often the characters' actions made no sense to me as they only acted in that fashion to suit the film and placate the audience. Plus, the whole idea behind The Hunger Games is such a waste for a PG-13 film. (Camera tricks. Camera tricks everywhere!)

And as my parting thought, I was reminded early on of John Cusack's character in High Fidelity when he asks, "is that Peter fucking Frampton?" When I saw the character Cinna, the first thing that popped into my mind was, "is that Lenny fucking Kravitz?"

Father's Day (2011)

Father's Day (2011)

Directed by: Adam Brooks, Jeremy Gillespie, Matthew Kennedy,
  Steven Kostanski, and Conor Sweeney
Screenplay by: Adam Brooks, Jeremy Gillespie, Matthew Kennedy,
  Steven Kostanski, and Conor Sweeney

Genre: Action | Comedy | Horror
Running Time: 99 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Lock up your fathers.

[IMDb]

Comments: I don't think there was much of a doubt that I'd pick up Troma's latest, Father's Day, soon after it was released on Blu-ray. It's a nasty comedy/exploitation flick often compared to Hobo with a Shotgun (a film I loved) and comes in a sweet package (a 4-disc Blu-ray/DVD/soundtrack bonanza). I happened to have some gift card money for Amazon I received for my birthday, so I was all over this. Luckily, Father's Day delivers what I was expecting (for the most part).

The film revolves around a killer that goes around grotesquely raping, murdering, and often de-penising fathers. Yep. (There's actually an extremely heavy homoerotic undertone to the entire film.) The dialogue is pretty funny at times, but I did feel the premise was stretched a tad thin; a few parts could definitely have been shortened. And while it's not as good as Hobo with a Shotgun (even if it's quite a bit more nasty and over-the-top), the film is really well made and looks fantastic for a $10,000 budget.

I think there was some kind of issue between the filmmaking collective Astron-6 (all the guys listed above) and Troma, which saw Father's Day delayed for quite some time. Lloyd Kaufman even half-trashes them in the special features because they didn't want their behind-the-scenes documentary on the disc. I'm entirely too lazy to look up the whole story, but I've also read there's another cut out there somewhere. If that's the case and it gets released at some point, I'll definitely check that shit out.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Season One (1997)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003)

Created by: Joss Whedon

Season: One (1997)
Genre: Action | Drama | Fantasy
Number of Episodes: 12
Episode Running Time: 60 Minutes
Viewed: Owned DVD

Get home before dark.

[IMDb]

Comments: I know Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been quite the cult hit since it debuted, and it's definitely a show I've been interested in. But that doesn't mean the first season couldn't be rather terrible. And for the most part, it is.

- OK, let me say that the first few episodes are GOD-AWFUL. Slowly, the show finds its footing and I found the last three-to-four episodes to be pretty decent. But it's really rough early on, to the point where there were a few weeks where I didn't watch a single episode. I have no doubts that the show will only get better, but it certainly didn't have the best start.

- My favorite part of the whole season was how many people at Buffy's high school were killed... and no one seemed to care. I'm pretty sure there would have been a major investigation when multiple faculty members and even more students show up dead. It's generally treated as an everyday occurrence.

- While elements of Joss Whedon can be found early on, I really started to pick up on Joss' signature style toward the final few episodes (any wonder why I enjoyed them more?). I can only expect this will continue in future episodes.

- That about sums up my thoughts on Buffy. When I watch a show I'm not completely addicted to form the get-go (i.e. Breaking Bad), I feel like I always say "I'm going to take a short break, but I'll be back." And then I never come back. Well, I have fucking six other seasons to watch (plus five of Angel), so I better goddamn comeback. But I just bought Strike Back the other day and I've been itching to watch that, so it'll be a bit...

- See what I mean?

Total Recall (2012)

Total Recall (2012)

Directed by: Len Wiseman
Screenplay by: Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback

Genre: Action | Adventure | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Running Time: 118 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Theater

What is real?

[IMDb]

Comments: In the grand scheme of things, Total Recall gave me exactly what I wanted: two hours of solid entertainment. Beyond the core story of Hauser, a lot was changed when compared to Paul Verhoeven's 1990 classic. And despite a few aspects feeling really silly (and telegraphed), I found the updated story to be well done. The action scenes, most of which were composed of chases, were well shot and clear enough for me. The effects were awesome, as expected, and Colin Farrell was good enough (though I always found he's much better in low-key roles, like In Bruges). Kate Beckinsale one-ups Jessica Biel in the bad ass scale, but maybe that's because Total Recall was helmed by her husband.

So yeah, Total Recall isn't horrible and provided two hours of mindless escapism, which was all I asked.

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (2011)

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (2011)

Directed by: Rodman Flender

Genre: Documentary | Music
Running Time: 89 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm not exactly sure what the point was of Conan O'Brien Can't Stop. I've been a huge fan of Conan's for years now, and he's the only late night host I've kept up with. For this documentary though, while there's some insight into what it's like backstage, the only lasting impression I got was that Conan's sort of a dick. Most of the time, I understand it. After being on tour for weeks and just performing an exhausting show, who would want to go do meet-and-greets all night? But on the other hand, why would anyone want to film that and show people that you're annoyed by it?

On the other hand, Conan fully owns up to this. I've read in interviews where he spoke about being hard on both himself and those around him as he always wants everything to be perfect. Unfortunately, that really shows at times in Conan O'Brien Can't Stop. He's not exactly painted in the best light.

I really don't understand what the purpose of this film was; while entertaining, it failed to be particularly insightful or funny. It doesn't affect my enjoyment of watching Conan every night, but it certainly didn't endear me to O'Brien either. It's at least worth a watch though.

The Big Doll House (1971)

The Big Doll House (1971)

Directed by: Jack Hill
Screenplay by: Don Spencer

Genre: Action | Drama
Running Time: 95 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

White skin on the black market.

[IMDb]

Comments: The Big Doll House is the last film from Shout! Factory's The Women in Cages Collection (which consists of three Roger Corman-produced WIP films) that I needed to watch. It's along the lines of the other film in that collection that came out the same year, Women in Cages. Both tease more graphic and deprave acts than they actually produce, but both are reasonably well-made and worth a watch. My biggest complaint with the film was the schizo relationship between the main characters. The group of six women go from harming each other to friends and back again for essentially the whole movie. It was weird. But otherwise, The Big Doll House wasn't half-bad. No recommendations here, because just by looking at the film you'll know whether or not you want to watch it. Quality doesn't really matter with a title like this, right?

Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Directed by: Luciano Ercoli
Screenplay by: Ernesto Gastaldi and Mahnahén Velasco

Genre: Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 96 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

[IMDb]

Comments: Despite having almost no sleaze (considering the title has the phrase "forbidden photos" in it), I found myself both intrigued and entertained by Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion. I think the reason I was most surprised about my enjoyment of the film was that I absolutely hated the main character of Minou. The story revolved around a man blackmailing Minou for sexual favors based on a story he's feeding her about Minou's husband killing a man. Minou is completely dependent on her husband and succumbs to the blackmailer easily every time to "protect him." The woman had no fight and is an embarrassment to female leads everywhere. I couldn't believe that she was supposed to be the protagonist of the film. Let's just say Minou is not exactly the best role model for women.

But I was interested in the story of Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion, and despite the lackluster ending, I enjoyed the time I spent with the film. The overall lack of nudity and violence was disappointing, but if you allow yourself to get into the film, it's not so bad.

Both Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion and Maniac are expiring Thursday on Netflix.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Directed by: Paul Bartel
Screenplay by: Robert Thom and Charles B. Griffith

Genre: Action | Comedy | Sci-Fi | Sport
Running Time: 80 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

A cross country road wreck!

[IMDb]

Comments: There's a ton of titles expiring on Netflix next week that I've been sleeping on, so I'm hoping to dedicate a portion of my weekend to catch as many as I can. I decided Death Race 2000 would be a good place to start. The film's right up my alley, and I did enjoy the hell out of it. If anything, I wish it would've been a little more over-the-top; there's some violence and nudity, but a little more in each category would've bumped my enjoyment level up a bit. I always get a kick out of watching a young David Carradine too; he's such a creepy guy and the leather gimp-like outfit he wears doesn't really help much.

Death Race 2000 is a fun watch, so if you want to check it out, hurry as it will be gone by next Wednesday.

Batman: Year One (2011)

Batman: Year One (2011)

Directed by: Sam Liu and Lauren Montgomery
Screenplay by: Tab Murphy

Genre: Animation | Action | Crime
Running Time: 64 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned DVD

[IMDb]

Comments: Batman: Year One was a decent enough DC animated film, though I was bothered by a few things. First: why? Year One felt very similar to Batman Begins at times. We've been over-saturated with Batman for the past several years, so the last thing I need is to see ANOTHER origin story that's quite similar to Christopher Nolan's version. Second: Ben McKenzie was a terrible choice to play the caped crusader. As a definite O.C. fanboy back in the day, and someone who has enjoyed Southland, I think he's a decent actor. But in Year One, it sounds like he's taking a shit while reading Batman's lines. It's really bad. I think if I hadn't known McKenzie before this, I wouldn't have had as much of a problem, but as it stands his voice acting is bad (luckily Bryan Cranston's Jim Gordon is solid). Third, and lastly: Only an hour long? Going back to my first gripe, what's the point? You are telling a story that's been told before, and I don't see a sequel being made anytime soon, which would hopefuly progress past the origin story and make Year One meaningful. So when the story ended so soon I was left thinking, "that's it?"

Despite my objections, I always enjoy watching Batman related stuff so I enjoyed Year One. If there was a next part lined up, I'd probably be more optimistic. But as a stand-alone film, I'd have to recommend watching Batman Begins again instead. It pulls from the same story and is executed much better. Though I guess a case could be made that it sounds like Christian Bale is taking a shit when delivering his lines too, but it's a much more glorious shit.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Directed by: Sam Raimi
Screenplay by: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi, and Alvin Sargent

Genre: Action | Fantasy
Running Time: 139 Minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

The battle within.

[IMDb]

Comments: This is honestly the first time I watched Spider-Man 3. Despite my (then) love of the first two films, the number of negative reviews scared me away in 2007. I'd always planned to catch up with it on DVD but never did. And now that I've watched the movie, I can safely say that Spider-Man 3 is nowhere near as bad as many say; unfortunately, though, it's not very good either. The number of "coincidences" that occur to shape the film are annoyingly mind-boggling, and even if they mostly stay true to the comics that doesn't make them any less dumb. Luckily, even as the audience has to suffer through "emo Peter," there were a few fun battles and enough good scenes to sufficiently entertain me. I would've loved to see Raimi get at least one more shot at the franchise, but I guess a reboot wasn't the worst thing either. From the early reviews I've read about The Amazing Spider-Man though, it doesn't seem like there's all that much different about the new direction the series is going in. I'll find out this weekend.

Exit Humanity (2011)

Exit Humanity (2011)

Directed by: John Geddes
Screenplay by: John Geddes

Genre: Drama | Horror
Running Time: 108 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Owned DVD

History has a violent way of repeating itself.

[IMDb]

Comments: Exit Humanity is certainly one of the most well-made low budget horror films I've seen in awhile. Sure, some of the acting isn't the greatest, the dialogue could've used a little work, and it's evidently clear how low budget the film is at times, but the good entirely outweighs the bad.

- Considering the only other film John Geddes directed (well, co-directed) was the awful 2008 film Scarce, Exit Humanity was a huge step forward. The editing, animation, and effects all work really well. With a bigger budget and a few actors, this could have been a devastatingly good film.

- The narration by Brian Cox (yes, that Brian Cox) was awesome, if a bit intrusive. Listening to Cox speak is never a bad thing, and Exit Humanity shows that.

- The score is wonderful as well. Some of the scenes (particularly toward the end) really mesh the score well with what's happening onscreen.

- Like I mentioned, some of the actors aren't the greatest, and the dialogue feels a bit off at times for a historical piece. We do get to see horror movie veterans Dee Wallace, Stephen McHattie, and Bill Moseley, so there's that. But combined with a few scenes where the low budget feels emphasized, Exit Humanity came close to going off the rails at points. But the excellent direction and intriguing story help reel the film back in for a satisfying two hour journey. Definitely recommended.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

Directed by: Jonathan Levine
Screenplay by: Jacob Forman

Genre: Horror | Mystery | Thriller
Running Time: 90 Minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Viewed: Owned Blu-ray

Everyone is dying to be with her. Someone is killing for it.

[IMDb]

Comments: I'm not sure why All the Boys Love Mandy Lane has never been released in the US (I watched the UK region free import), but it's an enjoyable film worth a watch. Mandy Lane's solid look and competent direction (by Jonathan Levine, who helmed last year's great 50/50) really helps overlook the minor plot quibbles I had (notably, the twist and ending). I would have loved to see a straight-forward slasher that was all about survival and not consistently wondering who's going to be the twist (though, in all fairness, it was a decent surprise). Anyway, while the film's nothing special, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is a fun movie that deserves a stateside release.

Twelve Thirty (2010)

Twelve Thirty (2010)

Directed by: Jeff Lipsky
Screenplay by: Jeff Lipsky

Genre: Drama
Running Time: 120 Minutes
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Viewed: Netflix Watch Instantly

A sexual sonata about the two men in their lives.

[IMDb]

Comments: Despite having a queue full of better movies, I always seem to find some obscure and bizarre film to watch instead on Netflix. In this case, it was Jeff Lipsky's Twelve Thirty - a film that, despite being full of unrealistic characters spewing unbelievable dialogue, seemed to resonate with me on some level. The story tells of a young man that beds three women in one week, but it just so happens that the women are all related: two daughters and their mother. There's also the father/ex-husband, a gay man that still sleeps with his ex-wife and desperately wants to be more of a father to his kids. There's a lot of talking in the film (it's kind of got that "mumblecore" thing going on); some of it works and really hits home while at other times it just made the movie drag on too long (there's no need for a 120 minute film here). There's also a bit of frank sexuality that feels out of place too (though there's nothing out of place on Portia Reiners' body). To be honest, if I watched this film on another night, I may hate it. But tonight, something about Twelve Thirty worked for me. Reservedly recommended.